i was never like this, i swear.

teenagers these days....

it might be because i creeping up on the big three-oh.....but i just find teenage girls so fucking stupid.

sorry that was mean.

but really.

points:

i walk into a tanning salon and 16 year old girl with orange skin, pubic bone slung sweatpants and a baby sized tanktop shrieks "hiiiiyeeeee"
(i seriously didn't know the "valley girl" thing was still in full force...wait...do they call it something different now since it is so far beyond the valley? has it become the normal way girls under 18 speak?)

i politely ask for tans.

girl: "saaooOH are ya go-ING on like vacation? cuz you like need a bASE coat? and um the ultra bronze? is like the best bed? and you TOTALLY don't burn in it you know and with only two weEKs you like need a base coAT? and it takes three weEKs just to get a base in the regular beds?

(note: the reason i use question marks is because she spoke like that...her inflection went up like everything was a question)

me: i don't want to spend 179 dollars on 6 tans.

girl: ok well it is actual-LY saving monEY? but this package here is also real-LY goOD?

me: but that one is still 150. i want to spend like 40 bucks.

girl: well what i was gonna sa-EY was you get like 2 frEE medium pressure beds? and like it is a really good deAL?

me: i just want regular beds

girl: OHkee. do you have tanning moisturizer?

me: i have lotion

girl: okeeEY cuz like tanning moisturizer like deepens the tan? and....

me: no thank you.


this went on...and on.....


and then i had to leave without tanning... because all this took FOREVER and i had to pick up riley.



here is what i wanted to say:

i have been tanning since you were in diapers. do not give me all this crap about how deep a tan is. it is a bunch of bullarky and a way to sucker people who actually think we have multi layers of tannable skin. by the way... your face is peeling and is blotchy and discolored.


soon...too soon.....i am going to have a teenager. NOOOOOOOOO!!