detox day 4

day 4 of juice detox:

i don't think i have gone 4 days without sugar since i was an infant. weird things are happening. i have night sweats, carrots tastes sweet, i drool a lot for no reason (last night i drooled on Dan's arm...saliva just poured out of my mouth, like half my brain suddenly stopped working and i lost bodily function on my saliva glands) and i keep getting the chills. are these signs of detox or starvation?

i have been impressed with my will power....because normally i have absolutely none. i once went on weight watchers and was told i could have 19 "points"....whatever the fuck that means....and i was flipping through the little book and learned i could have something like 4 graham crackers for 3 points. i don't even really like graham crackers and never eat them, but i ate about 23 graham crackers....so about 18 points worth. needless to say, i gained 5 lbs my first week on weight watchers and then i quit.

so i am amazed that i have not given up yet.....i really miss baking and drinking, my two favorite pastimes (and really...my only pastimes other than eating and blogging....and i have not been eating....so i guess all i can do now is blog. starve and blog.)

i had a moment of clarity yesterday when my mom stressed me out. my normal reaction is to reach for the vodka....and i actually had a moment of panic because i had to deal with my stress soberly...i mean i still love vodka, but it does not solve my problems. i know....big, right? i could just go to AA and start eating now that i have solved this obvious problem in my life.....man i miss food. i miss eating food so much. the way it smells and looks and tastes!

can you tell i am delirious?


i went to the post office today and this woman in front of me was taking FOREVER to fill out some papers and forms she clearly could have done at home and then i overheard the postal worker ask for her birthday and she said May something 1979. wha? gasp! i could not get over it. she looked at least 45. and i kept thinking NO. NO. no way am i the same age as that middle aged woman. NO.

i wanted to run out of there and go strait to a young funky salon and bleach the crap out of my hair. i wanted to run home and change into a sexy flirty dress and slutty heels.

but most of all, i wanted her to hurry the fuck up so i could go get some juice.