i don't smoke. but sometimes i do.

smoking is wrong and gross and unhealthy.

i like organic food. i drink raw milk. i enjoy kale and brown rice. i have not had a soda in 5 years. i don't buy food that has hydrogenated oil or high fructose corn syrup in it. we eat sprouted grain bread and free range, vegetarian fed, hormone free chicken. i think candy is gross. i won't eat boxed cookies. they scare me. what are they? what is in a ritz cracker? chemicals, that's what. nasty, toxic chemicals.

but....

I like to bake cakes, cookies, scones, muffins, and pies. i use sugar. lots of it. i make frosting with tons of butter and sugar and lick it off my fingers. i will bake cookies and eat 10 of them in a sitting, no problem. i can eat 5 cupcakes right now.

i also love alcohol. sweet sweet poison. i like beer. a lot. microbrews. ipa's. yum. i also really really enjoy vodka. i can go through a bottle in three days. and i have been known to drink mass quantities of champagne. i am drinking a beer right now.

which brings me to smoking. it is so gross. i actually see people smoking and think "nasty....why are they doing that? it is so unattractive and disgusting".

and then i smoke. not often. but i do. like....in the back yard....in the summer.....in the morning with a cup of strong coffee...listening to the birds......my feet in the grass.
or when i am sad and feel like crying and it is raining and windy and i am playing music loud i sit in the window and blow smoke through the screen.
or when i am driving and singing and a montage of memories like movie clips are flying around my head.
or when i am drunk.

but i don't smoke.

because i am healthy.

most of the time.

springtime snowfall

it is snowing. just when the cherry blossoms in the back yard were about to burst.

i am in love with the world.

my cat has snowflakes covering his fur. he looks like a bobcat in the montana wilderness. but....the dumb pansy version.

i didn't think it was possible, but i have maxed out on cake. i can't eat anymore. at least not today.

i am about to venture out in spring storm 2008. luckily, i am armed with a subaru and rainboots. nothing can harm me.

i went out last night with a friend...and after a few drinks....we decided to cut my hair. this is not a good idea.

i am in love with soko. she is the cutest thing since baby otters. in a contest between soko and kitten paw pads.....it would be close....but i think soko would win. but...you be the judge:

kitten paw pad:



Soko:




and to seal the deal:




i talked about her before....and posted a different song here

corned beef and poop

i have freckles but i am not Irish. i wish i was. but i am Scandinavian mutt. i do, however, like Guinness, Jameson, Oscar Wilde, potatoes, fog and corned beef.

i made 8 lbs of corned beef yesterday. this is my new Irish diet: i plan to eat corned beef hash for breakfast, Reuben's for lunch, and a sensible dinner (and by sensible i mean a Guinness or three).

but i do not get the cabbage. i searched and searched for a recipe for something other than boring cabbage....i found one that sounded promising because it involved two of my favorite things: bacon and beer. i don't know how something like cabbage can ruin these two pillars of fantastic, but it did. the result was nasty, mushy, and bitter.

there is this place in missoula that has the best reubens and sweet potato fries called the hobnob. i fantasize about this place. they have this special sauce (my guess is mayo and dijon) that i want to rub all over my body.

i talk a lot about food.

take my teeth, i don't need them anyway.

i woke up at 2:58 am in excruciating, blinding pain. i have another tooth that needs a root canal. it feels like a red hot screwdriver is being shoved through my tooth and into my skull.
if i could remove all my teeth and have dentures i would. i hate teeth. i fucking HATE teeth.

thank god i had a vicodin left over from the last root canal or i might have died.

oh, and the next available appointment is next friday. i have a week.

if anyone has a pair of pliers and a bottle of bourbon, i will pay you 100 dollars to remove the problem.

home, sweet project filled home.

i have transformed our home. it used to be a cluttered mess with potential. now....now it is spacious and clean. we now have a den. so exciting! the den used to be a room full of boxes and bags of clothes for the good will. it was a the definition of "wasted space" and now it is the definition of RAD. and the living room used to be cute and cozy....and now it is cute and spacious. like, you can breathe in it. or sit and read a book.

other ongoing project: the back deck. this used to be covered with astro turf. yes. ASTROTURF. it is now in a heap in the alley. the wood underneath looks great. by summer, this will be the place to be. did i mention we have a soft serve machine? yeah. uh huh.

next project: i will conquer the bedroom. it will be mine. i need to get rid of 80% of my clothes. i wear the same three outfits in rotation so really....i don't need the amount of clothes that i have....even if they are pretty and i love them. then, after the heap is gone, i will organize the dresser and closet. THEN i am going to paint! this is so exciting! and get new bedding!

this is what people with no jobs get excited about.

i also get excited about what to make for dinner, the new Domino magazine, laundry, our raccoons, and how much coffee i can drink in one day. and wearing slips, slippers and sweaters all day.

we have two resident raccoons. they have names. Phil is young and curious. he is a little timid. he likes to climb the tree in the back yard. His sleep cycle is off because he hangs out during daylight hours. This might be due to day light savings. Scar is older and i think female. she has either been tortured my humans or run over by a car. she is missing half her tail and has a huge hairless patch on her back from a previous wound. she is a bit mangled, not afraid of anything, and well fed. Scar, picks up a morsel of cat food with her cute little paw, dips in in water and places it in her mouth. she eats formally. she has incredible manners. her visiting hours are from 9-10 pm.

i went from fearing them and making it my mission to scare them away forever by throwing things, charging and screaming, to loving them, naming them, and buying extra cat food for them. charlie, our retarded cat, seems indifferent to them. they live together in harmony, even though everyone tells me that raccoons kill cats. charlie is stupid. i am sure the raccoons are aware of this and pity him.

can't wait for spring

hey....been awhile...


so beginning of 2007 was really shitty. the mid-to end of 2007 was wonderful, magical, perfect.

i am trying to remember this because January 2008 was the worst month of my life, to date. Remembering the events of last year and the stark comparison of bad and good, is giving me hope that this year will get better.

if it works, i like this plan. get shitty stuff out of the way in the beginning of the year....move on to a summer of love, a beautiful fall, and cozy warm christmas.

so...i made through january....i am expecting good things from this point on.

i am going to be a bride in 10 days. a virginal bride. a pure, sweet, perfect bride.
can i wear my converse under my gown? as my something old? i think that would be pretty awesome.

strange how much time i have spent thinking about marriage over the course of my life. and now...with it here....it feels so far from what i had imagined. and i mean that in a really good way.

the best thing we ever did was elope. now that i have seen both sides...the planning a big wedding with gown, cake, flowers, etc. and the going to the courthouse for $60....eloping took 10 minutes and it was a lot of fun. but, who knows, talk to me after next week and i might say a big wedding is worth all the stress and money... kind of doubt it.

here is what i know: i love my husband. I am extremely lucky. I look great in my wedding gown. i am so glad we will have an open bar...or two.

other news:

i got a job at a bakery. baking cakes. me. hello! total dream job. this cute little bakery on madison next to a birthing center. unfortunately, the pay was so low, i couldn't take it. it just would not make financial sense at all.

the other morning it felt like spring. the birds sounded happier. louder. i had that moment, before i opened my eyes, that i felt my life and it felt great. Spring is like that for me. It wakes me up and it makes me feel clean and new....because i am normally leaving the cold, dead, hard months of winter that seem to break chunks off of my life. i wonder if it would be this way if i lived someplace tropical?

i have a headache

you'll plummet like a stone
a limestone statue
a heavenly bit
and when you hit
there'll be only a thud

you fall
when wings are built with straw and mud