Saturday, January 8, 2011


I am here now:

And have been for...what? A year? 2?

But I may be back here soon. I haven't decided yet.

Also, this silly iPad just autocorrected "blogspot" to blood spot.

I also have that other neglected boob blog....

I am thinking of started a new blog about my adventures in gardening. That sounds pretty lame, doesn't it.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

dear ex-girlfriends,

we all have exes. unless we are my parents or my friend Sarah. holla!

so....we have past relationships. then we have current ones. sometimes we even get married.

and sometimes an ex girlfriend keeps showing up and it becomes an issue.


dear husbands exes,

i know you are lovely people. i know you may want some validation and attention and believe me...i know it is easy to get from a past lover. i like majored in this shit. if feels easy, doesn't it? to about your "connection" and that fun stuff. it is like a nice lil boost to your self esteem....oh...this person still gives a shit! i must not be so bad!

yes, yes. i know. but.....i am now my husband. and i want you to go the fuck away. he does not care about you, even if he says he does. what he feels is pity. a little guilt. he feels sorry for you because you wanted the things he now has. the things he told you he didn't want. the things he only wanted with me. also.....remember, he is a man and things get screwy in their brains. so he chatted. he picked up the phone call. he accepted the friend request. he was just being silly, wasn't he. are the new rules. YOU, ex girlfriend....GO AWAY. get a life. move on. shut up. he doesn't care about you anymore.



oh and

Dear Ex Boyfriends,

Call me!!

Just kidding.

i don't need validation from you because most of you are losers anyway....and i am HAPPILY MARRIED.



Saturday, September 5, 2009


riley: "why does jessica have those HUGE pompom boobs?"

me: "who is jessica?"

riley: "from Roger Rabbit. and she is so, so, so tiny with HUGE BOOBS"

me: "well.....because jessica is not real. she is a drawing."

riley: "and she goes boom...boom....boom" (she shakes her imaginary chest)

dan did it. he told her she could watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit. i blame him.

Friday, August 28, 2009

pass the pudding

there is no good reason for why i have not been blogging on here....except i have another blog, and a boob blog where i post pervey pictures of my friends.

i still feel like i have plenty to say here, much to praise, words to combine, thoughts to express.....and of course i still have much to bitch about.

summer is almost over. i should clarify and say "summer is almost over for RILEY" because i have been on summer vacation for 2 years.

this summer....with riley.....sounded like this:

lookatme mom watch this mom look mom look look look watch this look at me lookatme watch this lookmom lookmom looklooklook watchme watchmewatchme mom LOOK AT ME MOM

and i did a lot of looking at watching and playing. but not enough for riley.
she has already started her christmas list, people. it is August. she wants an ipod, a handheld video game thing, a scooter, and another baby buggy.

an ipod.

she is 6.

i think there is a good balance these days of those amazing my-daughter-is-wonderful-i-am-so-lucky feelings with those who-the-fuck-is-this-little-monster feelings.....

this summer i really appreciated having lunch like a 6 year old....we ate hotdogs and drank ovaltine. we enjoyed bowls of chicken n stars, graham crackers in milk....we made tuna sammies and ate chips.

i think i have gained about 10 lbs. add that to the 10 i never got rid of last december....and i am officially fatter.

and i don't know if it is because the last year has been one of the most devastating* years of my life or if age has made me numb to everything (a combo perhaps?) but i don't care. i don't care about much. i literally went from the thought "i should start a diet today and have a nice smoothie for breakfast" to "pancakes it is!" in under 2 minutes.

i will probably hit a disgusted point and want to starve myself like always..but not yet. i guess this is what "letting yourself go" feels like. it feels like making chocolate pudding at midnight and only wearing elastic waistbands. it feels like an extra jiggle while you are towel drying but forgetting it instantly because there is still someone in bed who will sleep with you. because love is cool like that. and because he "let himself go" you both are chubby and totally into each other and can you pass the chocolate pudding please.

*devastating but also wonderful. i love my life. it just hurts me sometimes.

note: i started a blog all about trying to get and stay pregnant. wouldn't want to bore anyone here with baby thoughts. not that anyone reads either of them. i don't know who i think i am....but i do know i like to spread myself all over the internet. it is sad, really. i guess i blog more of myself because it feels somewhat better than sharing all my thoughts with a warm body and having a blank expression in return. i started the baby blog to spare my friends the awkwardness of trying to find something to say every time i bring it up. and i also got tired of people telling me to just "relax and try not to think about it". i blog about it. to the vast openness of the blogiverse.

Monday, August 17, 2009

am i drunk?

i drove all the way to trader joes and then realized i had forgotten my wallet.

instead of saying "parking" in "i am parking the car" i said "landing". i didn't notice until riley said "landing??"

like i was driving an airplane.

this made riley laugh and laugh.

then.....i told her to put her popsicle wrapper in the "garage". i meant to say "garbage".

i may be having a stroke.

Monday, August 10, 2009

what are you doing?

what i am watching: True Blood season 2. blowing my mind. dan calls it my soft porn.

what i am listening to: The Gossip, Music for Men. track 4. click here to listen. but the whole album is great.

what i am eating: salted caramel cupcake form Cupcake Royale. i know, i know, seattle cupcake snobs....Trophy is SO MUCH better. yes, i know. i get it. but the salted caramel gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning....even though it is becoming increasingly more difficult. this is the conundrum.

what i am reading: Martha Stewart LIVING, Real Simple......and other glossy things. what? it is summer! i also have the first Sookie Stackhouse will be cracked open soon.

what i am baking: red plum upside down cake. i have made it 3 times in the last 2 weeks. it is that good. it is also good with peaches.

what i am doing: not much. we did some yard work this weekend *gasp*! and i took some pics of my friend Sarah's beautiful one-year old, Sadie Rose last week. i seriously want to spread her on crackers and eat her up.