Thursday, January 29, 2009


i hate it when you have been healthy all day and had all the right small portions of grains and greens and fish and you did some yoga and forced yourself to run and it felt miserable but you did it for the goal...the goal......and then after a light dinner you eat half a pint of ben and jerry's while enjoying x-files.

i hate it when that happens.

Monday, January 26, 2009

baby tooth

i am nerding out. wearing my glasses....drinking tea....listening to edith piaf in my cozies. i am poladroiding old hawaii pictures to get in the mood. i just checked the weather averages for kona....i can't wait to be warm. we are going to be in tropical paradise for 10 whole days!

here are some poladroids of hawaii flora:

my baby lost her first tooth!

the lil guy next to it is about to come out too. might be a busy week for the tooth fairy.

and here is coco looking bigger.

and i am almost over poladroids. almost. one more, i swear.

here is what i am not going to eat for the next month:

Friday, January 23, 2009

a couple more because i can't stop

new obsession

i am totally obsessed with poladroid
you can turn any digital photo into a polaroid.....well not a real polaroid.....but a digital version of a polaroid. it is fun and fantastic.


i just tried on my bikini. i really want dan and i to do before-and-after pics. all white and chubby in swim suits.....and then one of us after we diet and work out. and then i will post them on here. doesn't that sound horrifying?

i have to say.....aside from a few lil trouble areas....i looked smokin hot.

trouble area one: all over flabbiness (run, yoga, push-ups)
trouble are two: love handles (sit-ups, yoga, core exercises)
trouble area three: pale (this one is so easy to fix!)

i also feel like i need to buy new bikini bottoms....find a more flattering some that start at my ankles and go to my chin.

We both are starting a diet this monday (because i always start diets on monday' you a final hurrah of a weekend to drink all the beer in the house, eat all the ice cream in the freezer). i was looking at pics of us in hawaii from November 2007.....and wow....dan was SKINNY.

here is some vacation inspiration:

i need this cute yellow sun dress to wear to the beach.

here i am looking cute in my bikini (note to self: it is possible)

nice big colorful sunglasses

fun beach tote for books, sunscreen, travel scrabble, ect

potential new bikini bottoms?

totally hot tan husband

cute swim suit coverup. would look good with tan and fruity drink in hand.

white tunic also good with tan...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i freaking LOVE this animal.

still motivating

i just got on the scale.


the good news is that i am a lot less than i thought. funny how in my head i am always about 10 lbs heavier than i am in reality. is my self image really that off from reality? yes. yes it is completely skewed.
the bad news is i still have 13 lbs to get rid of to reach my...sigh.....dream weight.

i want to run. i do. i want to feel that nice sensation of moving my body...of breathing in rhythm....of sweating. however....i lack so much motivation at this point that i have a hard time even putting on shoes.

and it's not like i have nothing to motivate for....i have a race i agreed to run in march with sarah....i have a trip to hawaii planned for February in.....exactly 5 weeks from in....putting my pale, tapioca pudding body into a bikini.

oh boy.

speaking of hawaii.....while looking into this trip, i decided to see what other beach options are out there....

most of what i found was depressing because there is no way we will ever spend 10 grand on a vacation....but......look! bora bora!! for $9800!!

however....on the flip side, i found that we could fly to Cabo....stay at an all inclusive hotel....for a week...for 1900. both of us. that includes everything*. like as much alcohol that you can drink. like the best chips and guacomole ever. like 1000 tacos.
*it does not include the lobster (which had me instantly think...who the hell eats lobster in mexico?)

however....when i told dan all this about mexico.....he said "my stomach hurt when you said Cabo"

which is a great point.

hawaii is so perfect.

i am a snob about vacations. and about a few other things. like i won't ride the bus in this city. take me to any other city and i love public transportation. but....i will not take a bus in seattle. because i am a snob.

so....i will not take a trip for an "adventure". i don't really want to go to thailand even if it is super cheap. i want to sit on a nice, clean beach. i want to get drunk and tan. i want to understand what people are saying. i want to not worry about the food or water. i only want to be on a plane for 5 hours.

i have done the crazy- backpack- hitch hike- sleep in hostels-eat granola bars- vacation. i don't need to do it least not now.

when i want to go on a vacation to experience another culture or to go on an adventure.....i will go to paris. :)

wow.....i suck today.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

sledding after christmas

playing in the snow was very, very fun:



today is supposed to be my first day back to a work out schedule.

i am motivating by drinking tea, cuddling with a puppy and blogging.

i am freakishly in love with the puppy. i know that this might be some weird emotional misplaced affection due to baby loss.....but i don't care. i's not like i am dressing her up in baby clothes, giving her a bottle and rocking her to sleep or anything.....but i do find that holding her warm sleeping body on my chest while i watch a movie makes me feel cozy and complete. soon she will be too big and too canine for this....but at the moment.....she is fills my cuddle void.

i think dan is feeling it seen here:

here is a fun conversation from this weekend:

riley: i need some of those paper things....those what do you call them? the paper dimes? the green paper?

me: you call it cash money.

riley: i need some cash because i don't have any. can you give me some?

seriously. paper dimes? how cute is that!

i guess i must go running now. cuddle time is over and chew on everything time has started.
note: there is something not so sweet about puppy breath after you just watched the puppy lick the toilet at your husbands office of all boys.

Friday, January 16, 2009


i have new hair. it is freaky fun. nothing makes you feel like a whole new person like new hair color. i kind of love it and kind of freaked out by it. i mean.....i never thought i would have red hair. yes, red.

i know. CRAZY weird.

i am strawberry shortcake.

love it or hate least it is different....which was my goal.

today i visited my friend megan and her 3 week old baby, tate. they are adorable. and i really like to take pics of people...i mean...coco is great...but i have ten thousand puppy pictures.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

day by day

here is what my week was like:

good car is fixed.

this week i am going to get my hair cut and colored.
i am also going to leave the house as much as possible.
i might start running again.
i am going to bake treats and make delicious dinners.
i am going to be a part of the world.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


no internet and no car.

i feel like someone hit the pause button on my life.

nothing is happening.
i can't move.
i find it hard to care about anything.

the city talks of flooding and storms and wind.
i could be swept away and barely notice.

i need to reboot. someone please reboot me. or at least shake me as hard as you can.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Monday, January 5, 2009

2009. it will be better. won't be too hard to do.

oh hi.

so here i am, at my parents house...brushing a dying cat.

it won't be long now. i keep telling him all about the catnip and perfect frolicking meadows he is about to pounce to. or at least the end of his suffering.

how is that for uplifting? don't worry, i have more.

here is to the end of 2008!

let me be the last to say it...."eff you 2008"
(i know i am late with this blog...due to.....well, every bad thing possible that has kept me in hibernation for the past couple weeks)

here is why i hate you, 2008:

really? my dad with kidney cancer? eff you.
um...remember gas prices? total effing dumb.
sibling wars and family division. effing awesome.
the economy and how everyone i know seems to be going broke. rad.
my he hasn't gone through enough. why not add on more pain. eff you.
don't worry i saved the best for last...
a miscarriage. in a snowstorm. before christmas.
i hate snow. i hate ballard. i hate driving in seattle if it snows. i hate everything.

i have a lot of anger at the moment.

so. 2009. bring it.
i have a couple of hopes...

my dad will stay cancer free
i will get pregnant again and stay that way for 9 months (hopefully with less nausea than last time...)
my lovely sister-in-law, shelly, will also have a healthy pregnancy
obama will make me proud
hawaii in february

i know all this seems personal. and it is. but, hey.....welcome to my blog.

now on to happier thoughts....because i need to focus:

i LOVE my husband. so much. like a huge weight of love on my chest. like i can't breath because of this love crushing me. like i am floating in love. it is a feather. it is the softest love. the sharpest love. it holds on so tight and sets me free.

(i know, gushy and so gross)

puppy!!! what a difference a puppy makes. she is the best distraction....and the timing was perfect. i needed her. meet coco chanel:

riley is my little shining star......sure, she is completely difficult and argumentative and feircly independent.....but she is also so sweet. and tough as nails. and i am so proud of her.

i read all four Twilight books in 5 days.

i actually had a conversation with an 11 year old girl about how great Twilight is. i am not kidding. dan walked over and whispered in my ear "you are talking about Twilight"....this of course snapped me out of it.

everyone should be worried about me. i might dress up and go see the movie. i am coming unglued.

ok bye.