Friday, September 26, 2008

more soup days please

i made wedding soup and it was wonderful. i sauteed onions, garlic and herbs. added chicken stock....once it was boiling i added small meatballs...yes meatballs (lean ground beef, lemon pepper, garlic salt, bread crumbs, splash of worshire, rolled in about 1 inch balls)....and also added lots of fresh spinach, sliced carrots, and about 1/2 cup uncooked orzo....yes orzo.

and i did want to marry the soup.

good soup on a chilly fall day makes me feel exactly like this:

(i almost can't handle the tiny spots on that kitten belly. they make me want to cry)

i am pretending that is not warm out. if i stay in the kitchen and don't go outside i am safe. i really don't want it to sunny anymore. i want cold. i want rain. i want dark clouds. i want hats and scarves and boots.

i WILL learn to knit. this is not an option. this will not stay in the pile of things i want to learn but never get around to.....with juggling, riding a bike with no hands, making own pickles, making soap, lotion and/or candles, walking on hands, photoshop, harmonica.....and the list goes on. but...i will learn to knit this fall. and i will give at least one person a knit gift for christmas. so i better get on it.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

a few things that tick me off-september

ok. dogs go on leashes. and if you are one of those weird cat people that is convinced your cat is like a dog, fine...cats go on leashes. but, please people, do not put your children on leashes. please. if you are too lazy to run after your adventurous toddler, do not have children.

"this leash demeans us both"

sarah palin is slap-in-the-face insulting to me on a few levels. i think she is a joke, first of all...i mean...she just got a passport LAST YEAR. cmon. that is funny. she could be president and she just got a passport...that has me rolling. and...well, i have already complained about the whole charging rape victums for rape kits...and the anti-abortion even if raped thing. ah family values. raped by a relative? sorry honey...not only do have to pay for the rape kit, but you have to carry that baby in your womb. and she doesn't believe in global warming...which is also very funny. i also like that she shoots animals from helicopters. i mean...why wouldn't you?

and please click here for something hilarious.

i really miss having a camera. and i am a brat about it. and i really would like this one.

let me just say that yes, i think the iphone is pretty amazing. but what is not so amazing is looking at the top of my husbands head all the time because all he does is play with is iphone. i get it. it is neat. now put it down and step away. ps how cute and cuddly is this knit iphone?

it bothers me that my child is FIVE and so concerned about clothes. she has the rest of her life to worry about how she looks. this is the most free she will feel for a long time. and she worries about looking "cute". today she wanted to wear her fancy black dress shoes with the ankle strap. and this was a big deal to her. the answer was no. maybe it is all my fault. maybe it started here:

it pisses me off that i can't sing. at all. it actually hurts my own ears. but i feel like my heart has a song. <--that was a joke. but really, it would be nice if when i opened up my mouth and attempted to sing along with fiona apple, it didn't sound...well.....awful is the only word.

i am pissed that i went to jiffy lube and paid to have a new headlight put in...and that not only does my new headlight NOT work, but now some fuse is blown and all my dash lights are out. thanks, jiffy lube. you suck. and don't try to up sell sir....i know i don't need a new fan belt, fuel filter, engine rinse, wiper blades.....what i do need is for you to not suck and to fix what you broke.

i don't have a picture for this. but if i would me doing a thumbs down and sticking out my tongue next to darkness...because that is what it is like in my car now.


only things ever on my mind:

food. dan. home projects. babies. more food.

i could really go for some right now

one word: pudding.

chocolate pudding is one of those things that takes me back to childhood. real pudding*. made in a heavy sauce pan. with milk and slowly stirred with a wooden spoon. then poured into bowls to let cool. this is when i would examine each one and determine which had the most and i would mark it as mine so my brother wouldn't try to steal it. like my chubbytubby self needed the largest helping. my mom would be in the middle of making dinner. some kind of pasta. the local news would be on. i would pretend to work on homework. i remember so vividly sitting in my room, listening to wilson phillips tapes and wondering if i would ever have a boyfriend. i hoped he would be as cute as joey from nkotb. and we would kiss. and oh man. that would be crazy.

anyway, i made pudding the other night and it was delicious. and i let riley have the biggest portion.

i really like pudding. and i want more. like my chubby self needs more. some things don't really change. but i did find a boy. and he is WAY cuter than joey and has better dance moves.

(ps i did a choreographed dance routine to the new kids on the block hit "step by step" for the talent recital in 5th front of my entire grade school. with a side ponytail. totally round and overweight. i think i even wore a nkotb t-shirt for the performance)

*real as in not the "instant" pudding in the "heat and serve"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

apples and rain

oh fall! oh autumn! it is raining!

riley had a half day today. we made cocoa and talked about our favorite seasons.

i am going to make homemade applesauce. and the smell of this will fill the house. and that makes me very very happy.

i am also going to make that sage pork loin i have been dreaming about. i just realized normal people must dream of a different kind of "loin".

my friend courtney is going to come visit and stay with us in two weeks which means i have some work to do on the guest room. mainly i have to remove the turtle. and the boxes of toys (the guest room became toy jail). so....anyone want a russian tortoise? please? he is very sweet and loves kale and cucumbers. and if no one takes him i am going to turn him into a soup. just kidding! but really....

i love courtney and can't wait for her visit. we can sit around, make tea and toast, and talk about life for hours and hours.

i am happy with the progress i am making on projects today. i have removed a few piles that have been growing in various corners. and i have gone through our clothes and have 2 full garbage bags for the good will.

in other news i rediscovered tzatziki and think it is one of the best combinations in history. i love the greeks. thank you greeks for what you do with lamb, olives, and yogurt.
here is how i make it: plain yogurt...oh about a cup. about 1/3 cup sour cream. loads of fresh dill. 1/3 cup grated cucumber (without skin and seeds). a fresh garlic clove. about a 1/2 tablespoon of white wine vinegar, a lil lemon juice and some salt and holymoly it is delicious.

blame it on potstickers

i thought it was heartburn. but now i think i have a weight on my chest. a bubble in my throat. words stuck in my esophagus. i think we can go from great to distanced in one sentence. the miles stack up like dishes and bills. quickly. silently. and then all i see is space. grass fields and city streets. buildings and rows of houses. there is a city between us. and it can be gone in a sentence.

Monday, September 22, 2008

no more thai food for me

notes from dream:

we bought a new house. but is was really sketchy. and the first day i was there....and all these black things appeared in rows in the yard.
they turned out to be corn stalks, covered in black garbage bags
and then the next day they were gone
but where they had been were rows of chairs
and tables. long tables in rows.
so i went across the street to ask a neighbor if he knew who put them there
and it was this creepy man working in his garage.
and he had taxidermy all over. and skins and fur pelts in his workshop
and he wouldn't speak to me...and clearly hated me.
and while i was standing there i noticed he was "working on" a chipmunk
he hammered it with a rubber mallet and then started skinning it
so i ran home.
and the next day, the tables and chairs were still there...and stacks of paper....binders, telephones and a cupcake at each chair.
i realized they were work stations of some kind
but no people were there
and the cupcakes were melting in the sun
and then i realized they were work stations for a collections agency. in our front yard. of our new house.


this woman is a monster. i am so completely insulted that there are people out there...other women even...that think having her in the white house would be good for women. how can you be mayor of a town that charges for rape kits? how can you be a woman and think abortions should not be an option for someone raped? how can a woman, running for VP of the United States, hate women so much?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

husband working late

sleeping without you is like sleeping in vines.
a pathetic flip to flop to
finding nothing comfortable
about you being gone.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

this is supposed to be an apology. but i suck.

you were there once.
across a table
sharing bites.
in a city apartment
dancing like maniacs.
in a coffee shop bathroom sink
washing my hair.

you were there once.

and then it crumbled.
i watched it
turn to pollen
float like dandelion seeds
with tiny umbrellas
and a thousand wishes.

and you are still lovely
but very far away.

i was there once
by the lake eating blueberries.
on the futon.
pretending not to watch you sing.
because that is what you wanted.

i was there once

and then it scattered
like sand
from a beach towel
in the back of the car.

or pine needles
twirling down like
and lost in snow.

you are still so lovely
and i am very far away.

"oh what a day to be dainty"

that is what a homeless man yelled at me while i was in my car, stopped at a red light, nibbling on a cupcake.

i have a cupcake eating routine. i start by dipping my finger in the frosting and licking it. i do this a couple times. then i pick up the cupcake. i leave the paper on, and slowly nibble around the perimeter. once i make it all the way around, i peel away half of the paper. i then pull off chunks of the cake (from the lower half without frosting) and dip in in the frosting. i try to include both cake and frosting in each i ration out the frosting accordingly.

so yes, daintily. i suppose. and yes, it was quite the day to be dainty.

ps i was so excited to get a trophy cupcake that i actually parked the car, rolled up the windows, took off my seatbelt and jumped out of the car.....and realized the car was still on and my keys were in the ignition. luckily, the doors were unlocked. but it was like my brain was just thinking "cupcake, cupcake, cupcake, cupcake, cupcake".
i know....scary. very scary.

Monday, September 15, 2008

ready for soup, but i will miss the blackberries

i have started making oatmeal for breakfast. real oatmeal. organic thick cut oats. i stir in cinnamon and little honey. it is extremely satisfying. it is warm and cozy. it is supposed to be in the 80's today and this is nice and everything...making up for a crappy august...blah blah.....but, i really want to make soup. i am ready for baked squash. i am itchin for homemade applesauce and sage wrapped pork loin. i really want to make chili and cornbread. i guess it will have to wait...and i will try to appreciate these last days of sunshine.

i need a camera. i feel lost without one.

the blackberries are all fat and heavy.
there is really only a moment between
perfectly ripe
and rotten.

they fall to the pavement and explode
too full of juice. too loose.

i see them all as missed opportunities
a pie i could have baked.
squished on the sidewalk.

i go to the bus stop too soon
just to wait here
to graze on the ones still clinging to the vine.
and because here
it smells sweet like jam
like weeds growing wildly
sidewalk heat and
fruit too ripe
covered in dirt

dan and i were oddly social this weekend. i say "odd" because we are never social, and also because our social outlets were a little random. yesterday riley went to a birthday party for her new best friend, stella, and i was shocked to discover that all the parents were great! what a surprise and a fantastic change! we actually had a lot in common with them...and this never happens. and on saturday we hung out at my parents friends house (without my parents!) on the dreaded mercer island and it was great! very cool and interesting people. it was a lot of fun.
oh and last night we went to check in on my parents house because they are out of town, and ended up having some wine with their neighbors....also wonderful people.

who would have thought dan and i would be out talking to people....discussing politics, family, life, real grown ups!
(normally we lock ourselves in our home with only each other, a pile of dvd's, wine(for me), juice (for him) something baked with lots of butter and pajamas...we generally don't like this is a fun change)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

for my mom

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” -Winston Churchill

liberal and fucking proud of it

saw this bumper sticker this morning on the drive home from dropping riley off at school.

i was curious about it i looked it up when i got home.

so next time someone says "you fucking liberal" to me i will say "thank you very very much".

although.....the only person who would and has said such a thing is no longer in my life.

sorry, but there is no room for bigots and racists in my family.

oh...and dan made a good point last night while we were chatting about this ugly election. how do you think the republican party would handle it if obama or biden had an unwed 17 year old girl who was pregnant? how do you think the country would handle it if one of obama's girls got knocked up at 17? the double standard is nauseating. do you think mccain would say families are off limits (like obama has)? it would be the end. the democrats would be slaughtered. because the way the republican party plays this game is by lying. by creating diversions from issues. by manipulating the dumb public. by pointing a finger anywhere but at themselves. and it works. people eat that shit up. and if you don't play the game you end up like kerry.

the high road doesn't mean shit in a country full of assholes.

sorry. feeling like i want to move far away. i think Iceland would be nice. (i had this same thought 4 years ago....except now it is worse)

my only here:

"Spare me the phony outrage. Spare me the phony talk about change," Obama said at the start of an education event in Norfolk, Virginia.

"We have real problems in this country right now. The American people are looking to us for answers, not distractions, not diversions, not manipulations. They want real answers to the real problems we are facing.

"I don't care what they say about me. But I love this country too much to let them take over another election with lies and phony outrage and swift boat politics. Enough is enough"

please please please, obama. please more of this.

look but don't touch

this is amazing. watch it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

deer. birds. trees. love.

so i have this folder on my desktop called "stuff i love" and whenever i find something i like i stick it in there. funny how i start to see a pattern in what i like.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

couscous for meme

getting my hair cut tomorrow! whoopwhoop! time to get rid of the muppet.

i am really into couscous right now. want a delicious side dish or lunch? do this:
buy plain couscous. boil a cup of water and some salt or chicken stock, plus a little butter (you can do this in the microwave). add 1 cup couscous. cover for five minutes, then fluff with fork and viola! here is what i do to increase the pleasure: add feta, orange juice (or lemon zest) and fresh mint. salt and pepper. NUM.

i cut it back to a half cup for lunch and can only eat about half of that. it is filling, low in calories, and has a good amount of protein. and takes 5 minutes.

i have so much time on my hands. it is AWESOME. i am working on the linen closet. making it all organized and cute....and making it smell good with linen spray. and i am going to paint finally. i changed my mind on our bedroom will now be a sand color....and our sheets are kind of a blue the ocean on a fall day. i am matching the room to a picture of my grandmother from when she was young and beautiful and sitting on a piece of drift wood on the beach in hawaii. the colors are muted and lovely. the tan color of the wood, cream color of the sand, the deep blue of the ocean and white surf. hopefully it will translate well to our bedroom.

speaking of hawaii....we are going back to kona in January and i am so happy! hopefully i will have a pregnant belly* by then. tan pregnant bellies in bikinis are up there with fox pups, dwarf bunny ears, chubby baby thighs, and nuzzling otters.

*dreeeeeeaaam dream dream dream.....whenever i want you all i have to dreeeeeeeeam......

blackberry pie

it is officially the end of summer.....i baked a blackberry pie. this happens at the end of summer. sigh.

here is something: i don't like pie. i can tolerate pie if it has chocolate involved. i do, however, enjoy the challenge of baking pie. i enjoy picking fruit with my daughter, walking home, cleaning off the bugs. i enjoy the sensitive process of pie dough...not overworking it, cold butter, ice water etc...and mostly....i love eating dough. it is so gross. when i was a child i would eat Crisco by the spoonful (this explains a lot). it makes little like pie dough....raw dough....butter, flour, salt, ice eat dough by the fist full.....and NOT like pie? something is very wrong with me.

so after i ate my weight in dough and baked a gorgeous pie for dan to enjoy...i learned he doesn't like pie either. i have a pie i don't want, and a stomach ache from too much dough.

i am going to give the pie to my mom.

day two of kindergarten went better than day one. no tears on my part and riley seemed relaxed and excited to go back so it must not be too horrible. she made friends (thank god) and i met one of them this morning. "mom! this is MY FRIEND"! and so i met Stella. she is sweet as can be. when i left they were sitting as close together as they could and giggling.

i met my best friend in kindergarten. bonnie let me borrow her special crayons and that was it. i really think to make it through grade school all you need is one friend. bonnie and i were not cool. but we had each other. we would capture lady bugs in jars at recess. we had so many sleepovers. we would play barbies until 3am and bonnie would make them do weird stuff like kiss and caress. i preferred to play with baby dolls and pretend to be soccer mom's. (funny how much this says about us being a mom and totally obsessed with babies and her being a dating machine with guys piled up at her feet). anyway...point being that when i was picked last for kickball, or when no one would dance with me at the 7th grade dance, or when i stabbed spencer moss with the pencil in second grade....everything was okay because i had bonnie. i had one friend.

and now, so many years later. so many friends later. and i still have bonnie. and we are not cool. but we have each other. and the best part is that you learn how friends come and go. as adults we have criteria for friends. we are finicky and fragile. we have specifics we want in friends. and as adults we can decide someone isn't good enough to be a friend...isn't compatible...isn't worth the effort. and all bonnie and i had to do was share crayons. we are different as can be. our lives are totally different. we have little in common. but friendship isn't something we choose or don't choose. it is what we are. that won't go away.

my hope for riley is that she has that. one friend. one real friend.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

first day of school!

she was so excited. and nervous. i had to peel her off my leg and sit her down at a table full of kids. i know she will be fine. i know she made friends as soon as i walked out the door...but leaving her there....looking at me with panic....was not easy. i got teary as soon as i kissed her and she said "bye momma"....and i could feel her nervousness. and as soon as i was out of the classroom i became a blubbering snotty sobby mess. i am so glad dan was there.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

more for the kitchen of cool

i just bought a blender! and as soon as i got home, tore open the box, and washed the pitcher out....i made a delicious smoothie!!

and i ordered my dream Le Crueset! 5 1/2 quarts of awesome will soon be in my oven with some type of delicious roast nestled inside. or i might do game hens. with dried cherry, apple and walnut stuffing....with fresh sage and loads of butter. it will be here in 5-7 days.