Monday, December 17, 2007

my emo holiday

i have been listening to a lot of bright eyes this week. i had his christmas album once...but i have misplaced it....or some ex-boyfriend probably stole it so they wouldn't have to be tortured by my repeat blaring. man, it was good...i should buy it again. like, i had to buy ani's "living in clip" 4 times because it would mysteriously disappear or get totally scratched....i look back now and wonder if i had missed something.

"i need some meaning i can memorize. the kind i have always seems to slip my mind", conor.....yes.....

bright eyes pulls my emo heartstrings. he tickles that part of my soul that wants to wear a scarf and sit in the rain. he reminds me of a time when i defined myself by heartbreak, and when hurt meant something meaningful.....but really....when you look back....once you grow up and move on and find look back and think "holy shit that sucked. i was so miserable".

funny how there is something comforting about the pain from heartbreak.

it might also be dwelling in can feel profound and romantic to look back.

so...anyway. i made caramels. it was intense.
don't fuck around with 250 degree sugar.
also, don't binge on caramels. i had a sugar headache for 18 hours.

i really love cafe presse on 12th and madison. it is a little french cafe and i want to have breakfast there everyday. the hard cooked eggs....the yogurt with honey and walnuts.....oh man.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

ingredients for perfect

it snowed yesterday. this was exciting. riley and i made a mini snowman. i baked cookies. we drank eggnog and listened to john denver's christmas album.

last night, i drank hot lemon water with honey. i took a bath. a peppermint honey milk bath. it was heavenly. perfect.

then i put on clean cozies right from the dryer and cuddled up in bed. i dreamed about having babies.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

back and tanner than ever

not really. but you know....not as pasty as i was....thank god.

hawaii was amazing. incredible. the best vacation of my life. really. it felt like a dream. like the rest of my life lately.

i had papaya 10 of the 12 days.

i went swimming with sea turtles.

i body surfed.

i climbed up a waterfall and took a dip in fresh hawaiian mountain water.

i drove our rental jeep through mud and rain and jungle.

we sat at on the beach for hours and watched the waves.

we did so much nothing and never got bored.

when we left kona it was 85. when we landed in seattle is was 35.

here is what bliss looks like:

we did a lot of laying around and staring at each other. i know....gross, right?

i was so much cooler when i was miserable and lonely.

now i am happy and boring.

oh well. i can live with that.

Thursday, November 8, 2007


it is that time again. packing time. also called the time when i procrastinate until the cab comes at 6am. i mean really, all i need is a swimsuit and flipflops, right? and a tanktop, sexy short shorts, and a dress. done.

so i lost 10 lbs in the last month. yay me. i plan to eat 10 lbs of papaya in hawaii.

i also plan to frolic and splash about.

i can't wait to take naps in the sun...ocean hair...freckled cheeks...oh yes. yes. yes.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

cactus coma

i think cactus puts msg in their food. i know this is a bold claim. every time i eat at cactus i get a headache and as soon as i get home i pass out on the couch and fall deep into an msg coma. last night i thought i would try a highly scientific experiment. I ordered a salad to eliminate the chance that this coma was caused from too much cheese. i almost passed out on the drive home. i actually considered propping my eyes open using the toothpick trick.
i plan on confronting them about this.

in other news: eggnog is back on the shelf. yessss. earlier every year. this year i found the organic valley eggnog at uwajimaya a week before halloween. and they say it is a christmas beverage. boy are they wrong.
p.s. that adventure at uwajimaya was stellar. not only did i find the nog, i discovered "men's pocky" which is dark chocolate pocky. why it is called "men's" i have no idea....other than asians are sexist.
also, dan locked us out of the car, with the engine running, in the rain, with our wallets and cell phones inside. it was amazing. all i had in my hand was the pocky...which i began stress eating immediately. it was hilarious. i waved down a police officer and he said he couldn't help us. really, what good are cops if they can't help you break into your car?

so anyway. eggnog in coffee is delicious. just a splash. seriously.

Monday, November 5, 2007

for tom

tracking down numbers. move after move. you tried to escape me. all i could do was follow. and hold on. move after move. and you moved on.

and you called years later. i stood in the rain. i couldn't tell you to leave her. but i think i did. and i wanted to try. to try. at least. and i said there are no guarantees . no guarantees. but i was pretty sure
you were meant for me.

but you ended it. that last call. i stood on the street. you were gone. gone. but you had been for years. now you were more gone. i guess.

and i still miss you. it's become something silly. like missing a dream. or a memory. and i am tired of missing you. so i am going to try not missing you. starting now.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

important update

i went back to the salon and now i have super duper blond hair! yeehaw! i look like children of the know, but in a good way. i should think of a better visual...

Monday, October 29, 2007

these boots are made for...

i got my hair colored again. it looks exactly the same and cost 100 bucks. i am so tired of this. it makes me want to do something drastic like dye it hot pink or purple. or black again. or something. why spend 100 bucks for a couple of highlights? i said "platinum. chunky. bright. dramatic" i did not say "subtle. natural". i will put before and after pics up to show what i am talking about. i just need to find my camera.

i found the perfect blue cowboy boots for my halloween costume at red light. i walked through a crowd of girls dressed like the typical "slutty-girl" all looking at each others tits and booty's...all asking the same question "am i too fat?" and all answering the same "oh my god, no! you look soooo soooo cute"!....i yawned and looked to the shoe shelf and the boots shined like the blue skies of heaven.

they are so rad. so hideous and perfect. so ugly and amazing. i keep wearing know, as a joke..but a joke that totally works with leggings and a skirt in that so-ugly-that-it's-trendy way.

i am four pounds from my ideal weight and as i approach this i think my ideal weight should be 10 lbs less than my previous ideal weight.

would it me inappropriate to put a pic of my ass on here? i know, i know, the internet is no place for nudity. i just have a great pic that i feel like should be shared with the world (and by world i mean the two people that read this...holla "s" and "a"!)

i made an apple cake with caramel frosting yesterday and it sucked. more on this on my baking blog to come.

i am having a bad face day. i must have slept on my face funny.

so i watched rosemary's baby. and i really hated it. why are there so many movies about woman being impregnated by aliens/flies/satan? it really bothers me. and mia farrow really pissed me off. i wanted to shake her. and smack her around. she was so stupid. (dan and i have an argument about whether or not her character is a parody of "stupid naive woman" or not...or if that is just what she was).
the only thing i liked about her was her haircut.

i went to bladerunner at the cinerama. it was fantastic, of course.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

mtv and the loss of soul

i am really sad that the photobooth on my laptop no longer works. if it was working i would take a pic and put it here to show what it looks like when you bite through the tip of your tongue. i caught an elbow to the jaw....and now i have a mangled tongue. luckily, the mouth heals quickly. i would also take a pic of my new haircut to show how much i look like sienna miller.

have you seen the new show on mtv with tila tequila? holy shit. holy holy holy shit. it made my soul hurt. i felt totally nauseous while watching it. are people really like this? i am so disturbed by this show...and i can't look away. so....she is bi.....she "is looking for love" (cough...bullshit) and has a house with a group of dudes and a group of lesbians all fighting for anyway, they ALL SHARE A BED. this is so creepy and wrong and awesome. and of course there are cameras capturing every angle of the bed. the lesbians are pretty hot....slutty...femme.....nice tits....etc....the dudes on the other hand are so disgusting. gross. not one normal one. not one even half way good looking...(what does this say about men?) in the first episode, a stupid hick and an obnoxious black dude keep brawling (if you can call it is really quite pathetic). this upsets tila and she starts to tear up because she just announced (for the first time? that she is bi....and she is very vulnerable (poor, poor bisexual) of the lesbian is "comforting" her by licking the inside of her mouth. when they are done kissing, tila wipes away a tear, looks at the girl and says "you are so pretty" in this weird canned hollow i-can't-wait-to-fuck-you voice. like, exactly what the maid says to the rich woman in a bad porn right before she gets on her knees, lifts her fancy dress, and licks her pussy. this is the first episode. i can not wait to see the rest of this show.

i made meatloaf. with this great tomato relish. so good. i am queen of the kitchen.

oh, also....i have lost 3 more pounds. so, that means i have lost 5 lbs this week. so i only need to lose 5 more in the next two weeks. so far the only thing i do to lose weight is stop drinking and stop eating dessert every night. i wonder what would happen if i actually worked out and ate salad with lean protein. i mean, aside from being totally miserable and hungry...i would be so fucking thin.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

i heart sienna

i am getting my hair cut today....but i am still growing it out. i know this makes little sense. it needs "shaping "(ie removal of puffiness)

these are some inspiration pics. my hair is not that far off...but i need a little more length on the look just like sienna miller. it is uncanny. really. for realz.

i think the one of whats-her-name is a little long for me....but i still like it. and i like her boobs. but that is neither here nor there.


i tried on my bikini to get myself mentally prepared for hawaii.
i see now why people work out. (as if i didn't have enough of an idea)
i think my body is aging and i am not happy about this. the cute laugh lines on my face are nice...i don't mind the creases around my eyes....i like that part...but holy shit i was not expecting my booty to take a hit. i mean, don't get me wrong, it still looks nice, but not like it did a couple years ago. scary stuff. speaking of....

now added to the list of scary movies i have watched this week:


firstly, disturbia with shia labeouf is fun and forgettable. i do have a mini crush on shia...which was the only thing that made this worth watching. i almost didn't include it in the list because i have a hard time calling it "scary". it is more of a thriller. a thriller with a cute yet awkward boy that (of course) gets the totally hot neighbor chick while solving a murder/mystery. he does this role so well....i can see why he is sticking to it. shia, it is totally working for me. please don't stop.
p.s the car crash scene in the beginning is very well done. i was impressed and normally anything with cars or crashing bores me to tears. except, of course, if those cars transform into robots (again, shia...thank you...i want to take that innocent dorky face of yours and shove it in my lap)

alien and aliens: i squirmed and flailed a bit. er, ok one point during aliens i pulled my hoodie over my head to protect me....and the zipper caught my eyebrow. ah hem. so now i have this scrape over my right eye. battle wound. ya dig?

man, i am a loser.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

oh, life.

this day sucked.


other news:

black nail polish is great. it looks sexy and kind of evil. and oh so very halloween.

vicodin is my friend again. thank god.

i cleaned my bedroom. it was like conquering a small rebellious third world country.

blueberry pancakes are delicious. weekends rule. i stayed in my pjs all day today.

not sure what to do with the rest of my life. i kind of want to run away (i get this every so often) to mexico or hawaii or paris or amsterdam.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

'' ''

smoothed out the creases
my scars have faded
you're all edges
still serrated

i forgot all the lyrics
each line erased
the blood dried
but i remember the taste

fire and stakes
a fight for two
shove it deep in your chest
the only zombie was you

giving birth to fly larva

it is october...also known as "scary movie month".

here is what i have watched so far:

-the hand that rocks the cradle
-the ring
-the fly

i wish this list was cooler...

if i was pregnant with a half fly baby...i would totes abort that shit. why geena davis, why? how is it possible that there is a fly 2? for fucks sake, after you blow the head off of the fly that impregnated you, throw yourself down some stairs....or at least drink some bleach. cmon.

anyway. october is also a nice time to drink chai and walk around. i keep doing this.
and it is a delightful time to eat squash, yams, and homemade soup. oh and apples. dude.
i am really good at making homemade applesauce. for realz.

i have been reading too much martha stewart living.

i can't wait to wear my puffy coat. it isn't cold enough yet. i love that thing. i think i wore it everyday from last january through april. it is so cozy. i keep staring at it. i want to have sex with it. is that weird?

i have lost three pounds.

only 20 more to go.
just kidding.

only 7 more to that seems possible. kind of. i just need to hold on to will power.

i wish i had some cake.


Wednesday, October 3, 2007

packing is lame.

here is why packing sucks:

i decide my outfits in a chronological-what-is-closes-to-top-of-giant-clothing-heap method. otherwise known as the let-the-clothing-monster-decide method. this is fairly mindless and seems to work for me. i don't think my clothes necessarily look like they were in a pile and randomly layered onto my body with little thought. the wrinkles might give it away...or are wrinkles in now? fuck, i hope so. cuz then i am totes in.

anyway...packing sucks because i actually have to think about outfits and what i will wear each day and what goes with what and weather forecasts and shit. i am bad at this. i think i just packed 5 pairs of pants and one t-shirt.

my ideal packing method is this: wear one outfit the entire trip and bring no luggage. if i need clean undies, etc, i will buy them as needed and return home with plastic bag.

p.s i am writing a blog about packing instead of packing. this is procrastination at its finest.

crazies are invading and other news.

i never want house guests again. more on this later. i am still trying to calm myself down from the chaos.

i have started a diet.

i am growing my hair out and it is a fluffy and painful process.

one month until hawaii.

i am flying to nevada tomorrow. i am indifferent about this.

see the movie Eastern Promises just for the naked fight scene. it is amazing.

i need a massage.

i had another lesbian dream last night. i think i am a lesbian. (not really, but wouldn't that be great?)

i got new jeans and they make me look like a 1970's porn star. i love them.

i hate addicts. especially when they are in my home. (hate is a strong word. i am aware of this. also, you can be addicted to pot. only stupid fucking stoners disagree with this)

i am in love with the weather. Autumn makes me feel like me.

Monday, October 1, 2007

autumn chill

city of mulch and moss
wrapped in fog
and a wool scarf
the trees bleed
colors drip like honey
onto sloppy soggy streets

frozen noses
red like apples
cinnamon lips

we would freeze without each other

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

my ghost

the days turn over

a pretty pumpkin
on every porch

it never really was
but it haunts just the same
like a dream
remembered in tiny pieces

no lazy sunday
french toast
coffee shop flipflops

i feel frozen

like the day i found your ring
under the couch
in a perfect sliver of sunlight

i held it in my hand
titanium and weightless
and it was
so heavy

all i wanted was to tie it to a brick and throw it off the nearest bridge

but i didn't

i walked away
toward another

to hold something tangible
because he could be mine
all mine
a warm body
the warmest

and i am still frozen

Monday, September 17, 2007

what a weekend!

guess who vomited all day saturday? me!

i feel so clean. you know, after puking all contents of your stomach including start over..all fresh and new. this should be the new "cleansing" trend. to "purify" yourself..."try our colon cleanse and then try our new stomach cleanse".
if only it wasn't already claimed by bulimics.

i went to a birthday party yesterday for 3 girls all turning five. in lovely kirkland. at some point i will have to get over my fear and contempt for other parents and children. but not today. what point did it become appropriate to have a huge plastic bin for presents that the child simply takes home to mindlessly tear open in the comfort of their home? there has to be some kind of etiquette on this.

here is what emily post says:


A small girl (or boy) giving a party should receive with her mother at the door and greet all her friends as they come in. If it is her birthday and other children bring her gifts, she must say “Thank you” politely. On no account must she be allowed to tell a child “I hate dolls,” if a friend has brought her one. She must learn at an early age that as hostess she must think of her guests rather than herself, and not want the best toys in the grab-bag or scream because another child gets the prize that is offered in a contest. If beaten in a game, a little girl, no less than her brothers, must never cry, or complain that the contest is “not fair” when she loses. She must try to help her guests have a good time, and not insist on playing the game she likes instead of those which the other children suggest.
When she herself goes to a party, she must say, “How do you do,” when she enters the room, and curtsy to the lady who receives. A boy makes a bow. They should have equally good manners as when at home, and not try to grab more than their share of favors or toys. When it is time to go home, they must say, “Good-by, I had a very good time,” or, “Good-by, thank you ever so much.”

well....i am not sure if this applies. and we didn't get any kind of thanks for bring 3 one was there to greet us....i think i will write a rule here:

if your child is invited to a birthday party, they should gently place the gift(s) in the overflowing plastic bin silently and unnoticed by anyone, and should expect no sign or acknowledgment that they have brought a gift. after being contaminated by germs for roughly 1 hour, consumed hydrogenated soybean oil and high fructose corn syrup (i.e frosting), your child should say thank you to the birthday girl (again, this will be unnoticed) and leave with a insulin crash and a viral infection.

um...anyway. that poor, deprived child is going to have a birthday at a yoga studio where they will eat veggies and fruit and there will be a "no gifts" rule. i am very cruel.

in the news today:

wear baggy pants= go to jail.

are they serious? i mean, i hear ya on the whole we don't want to see your ass it is just so, like, 10 years ago, and i am so over the whole gangsta fad...but, come on, jail time? for real?

i really hope the next thing to go are the super low slut jeans on girls. i would like to see some tramp go to jail for having visible pubic hair. and if i have to see ONE MORE g string !!!! you are going to jail bitch.

finally, the police are also fashion police. it is about fucking time. warning to anyone wearing ponchos, uggs, or velour track suits.

Friday, September 14, 2007

um. connections. and stuff.

so. to my shock and horror, i guess some people read this.

i feel like a disclaimer is a necessity.

most of this is dull and pathetic. i write about my life which is mostly dull and pathetic (see how that works?)
sometimes...i write things in the heat of rage. sometimes i write things that mean nothing. sometimes i can be offensive or objectionable.
also, i am a total loser.

to anyone i may have previously offended...uh hem....i am truly sorry.
to anyone i may offend in the future, go fuck yourself and read the disclaimer.


i had a dream last night about a past lover.
i often wonder when someone is on my mind...or in my subconscious...if i am on theirs. i guess i try to believe that there is some kind of connection (if you will) with some people that have been a part of my life....i don't know if the connection goes away.

last week this was, once again, proved to me...i was cleaning a room in my house that is supposed to be a family room, but is more of a storage heap, and i found a tiny scrap of paper with an old friends name and old email on it. i started thinking about her. sophie. she was a friend in college. she was the reason i moved to maine for a summer. she is one of the coolest girls i have ever met. we used to drink bourbon and shoot pool. i realized that i had not spoken to her in 5 years.

that night i got an email from her. she had sent it to a few emails that could have been mine. it said this:

Hi- it's Sophie and i'm trying to get in touch w/ dana. let me know if any of these are you! miss ya.

coincidence? perhaps.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

vicodin dreams

i made a blackberry tart yesterday. with a shortbread crust. and a crumb topping.
i had it for dinner last night, breakfast this morning, and lunch today.

in my quest to take over the internet i have started a yelp profile and wrote my first review. reviewing is fun! te he he...

i also have a flickr page, a myspace, and a blog (duh). funny that i have so much of myself on the internet knowing that no one even reads this shit or cares about stupid little me. but oh well.


- i was asked a very unsettling question last night by my boyfriend. "why did you quit drinking"? i stared at him wide eyed for a minute not sure what he was saying. and then it hit me. he was right. i stopped drinking. shocking...i had not even realized. i went from drinking a couple bottles of vodka a week (mild exaggeration) to none. my answer was "ahh.....i DON'T KNOW"!
don't worry alcohol, i won't leave you...i am having a beer right now....

-i had a dream that i had a baby boy. with big brown eyes. and tan a french vanilla latte. he had amazing long eyelashes and chubby hands.
can you hear it? can you? it is the clock...tick tick tick....i thought i would be over the kid thing. but no. dammit.

- vicodin makes me have crazy nightmares. i feel betrayed by an old friend. i had a dream that there was an earthquake. and i was yelling and screaming. it was so vivid.

- both my daughter and i want to be tinkerbell for halloween. is that weird? she can be the cute kid version and i will be the slutty sorority tramp version.

-god this beer is going down nice.

-next week i am having house guests. some great friends from college. they are staying with us, then we are all driving down to bend for our friends wedding.
then, 4 days later i have more house guests coming for a week! my boyfriends brother and his girlfriend (i have not met them...eeeekkkkk!) are coming here and then we are all driving to reno together.
man, i have a ton of cleaning to do. must prepare house for invasion. must stock guest towels. must clean sheets. remove clutter piles.

- i got in a huge dumb fight with my mom. fuck, will it ever end? all the years of us fighting....i should write a book. i think i made a truce by bringing her some of the blackberry tart.

- tomatoes with cottage cheese is nummy. seriously. don't hate.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

all the pretty things

i wish i could open my own store in west seattle. a cute boutique that sells pretty girly foofy things like sexy perfumes, calming candles, herbal balms, fancy lotions, french soaps, classy lingerie, cute dishes and glassware, vintage inspired aprons and linens, and old fashioned candy. and some cute baby and toddler clothes from italy and france. and handmade hats and scarfs. and maybe some neat cards and art. and everything would feel cozy and sexy and pretty and it would smell like heaven and chandeliers would be everywhere. and i would have a record player at the shop and would listen to old records and drink tea and sell stuff. and i would have a clanky old cash register and wrap everything in cute white boxes and pink polka dot satin ribbon.

a girl can dream.

only a sound

you'll plummet like a stone
a limestone statue
a heavenly bit
and when you hit
there'll be only a thud

you fall
when wings are built with straw and mud

nights like these

arm in arm
palm on palm
i'll take your hand
i'll take you home
feet on feet
hand in hands

catch the pieces
as they land

between each finger
stab a knife
stay a night
stay a life

Monday, September 3, 2007

teeth suck

i had a root canal. it sucked. all the valium and vicodin they gave me helped a little. but not enough. have you seen the tools they use for this procedure? they look like drill bits. with barbs on them. and they are repeatedly shoved in, and quickly pulled out of your tooth's canal to clean out the root and nerves. it is bloody. i am such a baby. it cost $1500 to sit in a chair and get tortured for an hour and a half. at least they gave me a nice warm damp washcloth to wipe the dried blood from my face and neck when they were done. i am sure the people in the waiting room would have loved to see my face before the wipe down.
side note: the best thing to see after a root canal (after you see the prescription for vicodin) is the person you love in the waiting room. sigh.....

ok. um. anyway....

i think i want all of my teeth pulled and dentures.
i am going to think this over while i have a bowl of ice cream.

summer in the freezer

sidewalk steps
two by two
from the rosebush to the end of the block
the tricycle that cost a dollar
on and on
on dusty feet

she likes bugs
but only the green ones
we count the wings
we count her toes

another summer falls asleep

big fat tears of rain
explode like mini bombs
on my shoulder
on my cheek

the air smells like giving up

and like mud

we pick blackberries for the freezer

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

plan or non plan, plan

i feel weird. my schedule changed and i am thrown off. i sleep at different hours, eat at odd times, rarely shower...wait...that is the same as always....but i feel like my clock is off. i don't feel as rested as i should. my body feels like it is in shock. like i need a reboot. i think i should do a detox....and then make a strict schedule for myself...even though i really have nothing to do because i am not working....but i should be working on me (gag).
so....i have a new plan.

old plan: sleep at odd times, eat whenever food is in front of you, stay up till 2 am, wallow, ponder, aimlessly drive, drink a bottle of vodka in a couple days.

new plan: wake up at 6. run. shower. have healthy breakfast with family. get child dressed, ready for school, pack lunch. drive child to school. return to house. yoga/meditation. tidy home, do house chores. healthy lunch. ponder. write. look for employment that would be fulfilling to soul. read a book. bake. go pick up child from school. make healthy dinner. enjoy family. cuddle on couch. go to bed at 10.


Monday, August 27, 2007

new addictions:

- deadwood

once an episode is over i must watch another immediately. i have been staying up until 2 am every night compulsively watching show after show.

it is so fucking good. whores, booze, slitting throats.....ahh.....bedtime stories....

- baguettes with butter and jam. i can't get enough of bakery nouveau in west seattle.
everything is amazing.

- dahlias

- skyy vanilla vodka. i have had to cut myself off from this was too delicious.

- trophy cupcake

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


each gash will bleed
she'll slice and gush
to binge, to feel
her torture, her game
they are not yours to heal

her weight is not your own
she has the grip. she plays it well.
and she'll use your wings
when she jumps

everyone tries to save
a baby bird at least once

Sunday, August 5, 2007

love, cupcakes, and quitting.

new things in my life:

1. the discovery of trophy cupcakes. it is amazing.

the triple chocolate is divine. like jesus made it. with godly ingredients. in heaven.

and the lemon cupcake is intense. the lemon butter cake is creamy and dense like pound cake and the fluffy buttercream frosting must have an entire lemon in it. or ten lemons.

they also have cute little cards. go there. you will not be disappointed.

2. my lover has moved in. with him came boxes and boxes of books. and more boxes of comic books. and 10,000 dvd's. and the house feels really really tiny now. tiny and full of love. i would live in a tent, if it meant living with him.

3. we have a wii. saturday nights now consist of smoking pot and playing wii into the wii hours. i always hated video games. until now. i am really good at wii bowling. unlike real bowling. it is like a dream come true.

4. i quit my job. the job i loved. i had a great salary. amazing benefits. great coworkers. except my boss....who just could not leave me alone. i learned a lot. i learned that once you lose all respect for the person you need to answer to, it won't work. i told him to "go fuck himself" and said "i don't know how you look in the mirror". the man is the biggest slimeball i have ever met. a manipulative, lying, cheating, shallow, arrogant asshole . i hope he gets what he deserves and lives miserably ever after now that he has left his wife and new baby to have the life of a spineless bachelor who finds fleeting joy in doing lines and fucking hookers. what a pile of shit.

5. it has been so long since i baked. now that i am unemployed....again....i will surely get back into it. who knows...perhaps i will start a bakery. i might finally be done with advertising. i want to do what i love. or least find a slight enjoyment in my soul from a job. is that too much to ask for?

6. we bought tickets to go to hawaii in november. for almost 2 weeks. fuck yes.

7. i might be getting married soon. it has been discussed.

this will change things. <- understatement of the year. i would be the luckiest girl alive. 8. i have discovered a new delightful cocktail. skyy vanilla vodka plus gus cranberry lime dry soda plus sparkling water plus squeeze of lime equals holy fucking shit delicious.

9. danger and i have discovered the best tacos in seattle. they come from a taco bus in white center. i could eat there every day. and it is $ 4.50 for three of the most incredible carne asada tacos north of tijauna.

10. being in love is fun.

Monday, July 9, 2007

i finished the chocolate cake i baked last week. the entire thing. each crumb. i feel a little squishy and fluffy. but, on the bright side, my booty is looking delicious.

speaking of...the r kelly song "sex in the kitchen" is awesome....girl you in the me a meal.....

oh man. i love r kelly.

i went to Vashon Island on Saturday for the Lavender festival. I love how sleepy that place feels. and the air smells dreamy....for those of us with no allergies.

We bought peaches and cherries at the farmers market. Life is good.

Friday, July 6, 2007

here it is. a groove. slightly transformed.

i am in need of a good solid sunburn.

i know all about why this is a bad idea. i know it will age me. i know about skin cancer. i also know about lung cancer and that doesn't stop me from smoking an occasional cigarette.

there is just something fantastic about the first sunburn of the summer.

so far...i have had little time to do nothing on this vacation. i went to my child's swim lesson yesterday and watched babies flail around in the pool. it was nice. at least i can be one of those parents for a day or two.

jesus, if i have to hear any more about this girl that got disemboweled at the pool i am going to fucking kill something. I really don't want to hear about it.
i am sorry her intestines were sucked out of her butt, and i am glad she is telling people so it doesn't happen to them. it worked, ok! i will not sit on the drain anymore! even if i like the tickle....i won't do it.

Ratatouille was good. disturbing...but cute. it looked great...amazing what they can do with animation these days.

on the list for today....

go for walk
grocery store: milk, wine, crackers, hotdogs
get sunburn
bake blueberry scones
sit and ponder
water plants
clean kitchen

i wonder if this is what it is like for housewives.
i hate those people that say if they didn't work they would be bored. i never get bored. i hate working. i mean, i love my job...but really...i would rather be doing laundry and baking pies. and i don't mean that in the woman-in-home kind of way. i mean i prefer to task around and stare out the window and bake stuff. i find soul filling joy from these things.

summer should be this: wake up...drink coffee in back yard in undies. eat chocolate cake for breakfast (still in undies). take shower. put on dress and flipflops. go sit in sun. feel freckles form on cheeks. make out on beach towel. go home. have afternoon nap... wake up to sounds of lawnmowers, bumblebees and crows. watch sun streaks and breeze fill room. follow shadows across skin. get up. splash water on face. pick berries. bake pie. bbq hotdogs. sit in back yard and drink wine and listen to records. go to bed in undies and windows open.


Tuesday, July 3, 2007

go here. and vote for pierre.

Monday, July 2, 2007

more than meets the eye

transformers. do it. so much rad. i cheered with each awesome transformation from badass car/truck/helicopter/jet to super badass robot. it was everything i hoped. i will see it again. and again. i wish i had my own transformer. even if it was a dykish robot that turns into a subaru.

i had a dream last night that i was driving down the freeway in reverse....but i was going forward. my car was making this horrible sound...and it was smoking and clanking and lurching. i keep thinking about this and attempting to psychoanalyze myself. i am sure it means that i should stop eating tuna melts before bed.

i am about to have 5 days off. i will spend as much time as possible staring at nothing thinking about nothing. drool. my ideal vacation is a frontal lobe lobotomy. or at least a coma.

portland is the coolest city. hmm. scratch that. portland is lame. don't move there.
i am madly in love with brick buildings with fire escapes. i want to live in one. i want to have flower pots on my fire escape. and i want to sit on my fire escape and drink wine and look at the moon and ponder. and flee if i smell smoke.

i had a maid come clean my house. i am at a new level. it was fantastic and so worth it. i love paying people to do all the shit i hate and don't want to do. wow. i am such a grown up. am so fucking lazy.

summer is here. i wish i had a front porch.

here is what i am happy i have this summer:

1. a working lawnmower
2. a candle that smells like a morning on the beach in hawaii.
3. my back yard. it is a glowy magical place. now with paper lanterns and jasmine.
4. the recipe for macrinas fresh fruit muffins. dude. summer in muffin form. so delicious.
5. records. and a turntable (i need). and screens on my windows.
6. new camera. a device to capture moments. so simple. so huge.
7. twilight
8. this shea butter and cocoa butter lotion that makes me want to eat myself.
9. spicy kielbasa on the grill....on a bun with cream cheese....heaven...
10. Danger Brown.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

ten years later

my 10 year high school reunion was on friday. advice: don't go to your's. i don't think it was worth the $5 cover. i am so glad i didn't dress up.


everyone is fat. it happens. i am glad i am not the only one with an extra layer of chub.

weird to talk to the guys who i thought were so special only to find out they are uninteresting and stupid. kind of a shock. but also very relieving.

everyone liked my hair. still not sure why this is always a topic of conversation.

they played all the top hits from 1997. not a good year for pop music.

the valedictorian from our class does marketing for taco bell. p.s. i just had to look up how to spell valedictorian. i can't believe i actually graduated from high school.

the most awkward interaction was from the least likely person. he broke my heart. didn't even hug me back. my best friend is gone. i lost him long ago. now i get it.

this is what it sounded like "heeeeey! how are you? good. good. i know, this is weird, right? crazy. so what are you up to? oh cool. great. well, nice to see you". AWKWARD escape to next conversation that sound exactly the same.

i think it was under an hour and i found myself hiding in the corner texting "please come save me".

so. i drank too much to try to overcome how ridicules it all felt. ditched out early.

woke up with a headache.
and went to a kick ass SIFF short film. dope.

wake up laughing

"and the light bulb was being kind of an asshole, so i broke it"

my world is rocked.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

soon. it will be mine.

i just remembered the best gelato i had in italy....and i had a lot of gelato. it had meringue chunks in it. tiny bits of meringue. and they melted on my tongue. but melted at a different rate of the gelato. it was a textural experience, as well as tasty.

i have no idea where it was. i think it was in rome. i think my goal is to find it. something divine will happen and take me back to that holy place of sweetness.

related: homemade tiramisu is delicious.

i should be sleeping.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

the sirens song

it's jasmine on a vine
twisting like july
she holds bugs in her palm
like kisses
held and tossed to the sky

it rained that night
settled the heat
you settled the score
i claimed defeat

it's a poem this time
a painting
or a postcard
it was scribbled and drawn
erased and torn

it was a breath
i held
a song we sung
and at last my darling
at last
we're done.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

one more

"oh my heart makes me dance"!

-riley (jumping off the back of the couch)

little words

"i like the talk of them. the sound of them.

the skin of them.

they're mixing up in love".

-riley (talking about her friends..our neighbors)

"roseheart rainbow cane.
the name of it is true luck.
the name of the rainbow.

cane is part of it.

know what the tree's name is?
tree stump wood.

the tv's name is chop wood black.
because it is made out of wood".

-riley (talking like a crazy person)

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


really. what is the point? all secrets. all lies.
in my bones i don't believe you.
not a word.
in my skin i feel it. like blades and burns.
i hear it in every syllable.
no truth. just buzzing.
like flies.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

another day. another May.

another year.


i feel the best i have ever felt.

i love my life. i love my job. i love my freckles. and the laugh lines around my eyes.

i feel alive and happy.

took long enough.

i won't make the same stupid mistakes i made when i was 27.

welcome, year 28. Let's do this right.

What i learned from year 27:

-listen to your intuition. not the words of people that lie on a daily basis.

-black hair= edgy and emo, yet hard to maintain

-i really love tacos

-why did i go so long without a vibrator?

-blonds do have more fun

-secret to chocolate cake= coffee and cinnamon

-being hired as a freelancer for your looks is ok, being hired as an employee for your kick ass producer skills (skillz) is much better...and i am still cute....cute with health benefits.

-vendor dogs. cream cheese. do it.

-i love being loved. who doesn't? but what i love more....being loved by someone i am inspired by. someone who is honest. someone who makes me feel like i am made of gold. someone that says things like "i love you for who you are. and i always will. forever. and i will prove it to you".

-don't loan people money

-polenta is good

-reading in the morning for an hour, with a cup of coffee, is a fantastic way to wake up.

-i should always buy myself flowers. i love them. they make me happy.

28. i look way better now than when i was 18. in fact, i am pretty fucking hot. i own a home. i love my work. and my friends. my family is amazing. i have money in my savings account. my daughter brings me more joy than i thought possible.

fuck yes. bring it.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

dreaming and breathing

the girl is back.

hold her like a secret. keep her like a dream.
these words are whispers.
no paper. no ink.
and they might just disappear.