Friday, May 30, 2008

kind of like a marble
or an apple.
like a plum. a sunny warm plum.
sometimes like this creaky chair.
or a nap under a clean, warm laundry pile.
it is one wink. one shrug. one cookie left, split in two.
and it's easy,
this love.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

babies everywhere

i have 4 friends that are pregnant.

i find myself talking about babies and pregnancy A LOT these, more than i normally do.

i might take a course this summer to become a doula...which is something i have wanted to do for a long time. it is an intense 3 day course, and is around 600 bucks. i think it is what i should do. and then i get get some practice with all my pregnant friends.

also...i keep thinking about baby names i want for future children. i am going to make a list on here so, someday, when i am pregnant, i can look back and remember the names i liked back in 2008.....and i will probably hate them.





the list i had when i was pregnant with riley is hilarious. i can't believe i liked the name emma. i is a really, sweet name....but riley is SO not an emma. speaking are her thoughts for a baby sister or brother...

riley's favorite names for a girl:


name's riley likes for a boy:


new improved back yard

i braved ikea and got a new table for the back yard. i also got these hanging lanterns for my patio that are dreamy. they are bright yellow and orange and look fantastic. i want to have a summer garden party with lots of sangria and a hookah. and trays of hummus and olives.

next, i need to brave home depot for weed killer and pruning shears.

new table and chairs:

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

dear blog

dear store where i used to buy my hair clips,
you really want $12.50 for a tiny hair clip? really? one itty bitty clip? my answer is no. i refuse.
goodbye cute hair clip....hello shaggy untamed grow out.

dear starbucks at university village,
i hate your coffee and your fast food mentality about espresso. i hate the sound of corporate cash registers in your greeting. i hate that i feel micromanaged just standing in your line. but, i will still drag my tired ass through your door everyday and pay $3 for 8oz of scorched milk and bitter espresso. and it will help me survive another few hours of retail. so....thank you.

dear lilac tree in my yard,
i love your sweet smell. i love the way your branches look heavy and the weight of your flowers is too much for you like it is too much for me. the smell of you reminds me of being a girl at our old house...playing under my mother's favorite lilac tree by the lake. when we sold that house, the new owners cut down the lilac tree and my mother cried....which made me cry. and now, each spring you bloom, and i bring some of your flowers, tied in twine, to my mother in her new house with no lilacs.

dear dishes in my sink,
i have been saying this for awhile, but this time i mean it....i will wash you tomorrow.

dear denver,
i want my husband back....i am lonely.

Monday, May 19, 2008

so that just happened

when it is sunny and warm i want to be a hippie. i want to wear linen pants, hemp tank tops and silk dresses. i want backless shirts and long skirts. i want to smell like sun and sweat and sandalwood. i want to drink iced coffee from mason jars in the back yard and plant tomatoes. i want to go to the farmers market and pick up veggies, bread, milk, eggs and cheese and put them in a basket.

i think i am half hippie and half.....snobby materialistic asshole. i drive my car all the time. i spend too much money on clothes. i work in retail. i pay top dollar for makeup, shoes, lotion, condition and fancy french soaps. i don't like eating leftovers.


it has been too long since i read a book. i think the last book i read was in January. my brain feels a bit mushy. like if you stepped on my brain with bare feet it would come squishing out between your toes. and i miss that feeling in my chest when i read a poem that makes words beautiful and simple and heavy all at the same time.

i can't even find any of the books i used to love. the ones i have packed, unpacked, repacked and taken with me everywhere. this is a bad sign. is this what marriage is? i guess in lose all these little things that used to define you as a single element and are redefined as part of a team with "couple" things like new toasters and furniture and dinners and movie nights....and your favorite books disappear in a pile of comic books....

i feel like i am going through something. i need to figure out what to do with my life. i didn't think i would ever say that again....but i feel like i should find meaning somewhere...and i find nothing in retail.....obviously.....and it has made me realize that i should do more and find what satisfies my soul.....but then the idea of going back to school makes me want to vomit and scream....and then cry.

it has been humbling. doing grunt work that high school kids could do. and they do...probably better than me. today i used a razor blade and scraped gum off the floor. i used to produce commercials for national clients with million dollar budgets. now i get people the right size pants and tell them to have a nice day.

so....that is that.

i watched this movie last night called state and main. i didn't really like it....but i laughed at a couple when alec baldwin, who plays an actor with a like of young girls, crashes a car into a traffic light pole and the car flips over and he climbs out and is all bloody and says "so...that just happened".....i laughed....and i keep quoting it when something shocking happens. like today i was behind a guy in a black honda that took the ramp from 520 to I-5 too fast and hit the wall and spun around in the middle of the ramp and both of his airbags burst out and he had blood all over his face.....i drove by and said "so that just happened".

Monday, May 12, 2008

"i felt you in my legs before i ever met you"

i just saw Dave Matthews again. I think it is a sign.

it will be in the 80's on friday and i will not be working.

potstickers for dinner!

my birthday: uneventful. i did learn that i like lamb. so that was neat. oh, and i had a delicious cocktail with vanilla vodka, apricot nectar, and a splash of cranberry that was bomb.

mother's day: awesome. brunch is my favorite meal. i wish i could only have brunch. everyday. forever. and then we went to the roman exhibit at the SAM. it was crowded. and i have a hard time fighting crowds to stare at stuff. was pretty amazing.

oh, and on saturday morning, on my walk to get coffee, the universe laughed at me. and it was nice. and then i started singing a tegan and sara song. which has been in my head ever since.

Monday, May 5, 2008

this week i will bake 3 cakes


i really like trophy cupcakes for lunch.

i smoked a lot of cigarettes this weekend. i had forgotten what a cigarette hangover felt like. now i remember. it feels dirty.

so...i was at a bar on saturday and dave matthews walked, this is not the start of a joke....he was black bottle....and so was i. he is so dreamy. i don't care what people say....and i was over his music 10 years ago....but the man is fucking handsome.

also on saturday i smoked pot and had one of those profound life-is-amazing-and-tragic-and-beautiful experiences...also known as "being stoned". but really, this time, the universe made sense for a minute. like i had solved something big...huge....and i remember telling myself to hold on to it...or write it is so huge.....and then i passed out and i don't remember. fucking pot.

today is cinco de mayo which means tacos and tequila for dinner. thank you, mexico. for realz.

working retail is really fun...for about an hour....and then i want to kill people...and then sit down. standing all day sucks....especially for someone like me....because i hate...moving.

oh, and the hair is super bleached. albino bleached. children of the corn bleached. awesome.

last weekend we went to portland for a comic book festival....uh hem.....and i was reminded that, yes comic book dorks are RAD, but more importantly, that portland fucking rocks. i LOVE that town. here is one highlight:

lil horse. and we saw a samurai on a motorcycle. like, a real one. not a mini one. i have more pics. i swear i will post more soon.