Monday, August 25, 2008

4-5 things that make me angry- august

i almost forgot to do this. it is the last week of august. i can't believe it. summer is almost over. riley is about to start school. crazy how time vanishes.

so. here it is:

advertising. it is our livelihood. it was mine. it is dan's. and my dad's. i have a lot of friends and family in advertising. i met dan working in advertising. it allows artists and creative people to make a lot of money. it puts food and flowers on our table. but it still sucks*.

"whenever i actually watch tv, i realize that i hate advertising. i am creating stuff i hate"

-dan, last night after we watched the olympics closing ceremony and all the commercials that went with it.

i cringe every time a commercial comes on aimed at children...because i know it works...and suddenly riley is asking for hannah montana notebooks and saying "i want to go to WALMART"!

when she said that my heart broke a little. i know she is going to go to school next week and be influenced by her peers. i know i won't have that much control over what she likes...what is "cool". i know she will be fine and she will make ton's of friends because she will say "i LOVE hannah montana" even though she has never once seen the show or heard her music....but she has seen the commercials.

* i am aware that i might sound totally ungrateful. and i should be thanking my lucky stars for advertising...because it allowed me to grow up the way i did and it allowed me to be a single mom and own a home and it is why i don't have to work now. and i do thank my lucky stars and i am grateful. but i also see problems with advertising. mainly, that a lot of it sucks.

oh. and just for fun and because i love his is my favorite Banksy:

i really do love the rain. but it makes me a little upset that august has been so rainy and cold. i mean...august is supposed to be the hottest month of summer. not this:

we did a lot of fun stuff this summer. but i am a little upset that there are some things i didn't do this summer. i didn't go to the coast and camp. i didn't go to cannon beach. i didn't go to sun valley for the 4th (but we are going next week!). i didn't go swimming in lake washington. i didn't have the ice cream social/cocktail party in my backyard. i didn't even make ice cream. i didn't get around to planting basil. i didn't do enough with the yard. or anything, really. i haven't baked a blackberry pie. yet.

it makes me angry that i am allergic to MSG. because i have been craving bad chinese food for a couple weeks. we went to uwajimaya yesterday and it was like torture. i wanted to eat everything. i had a bite of this cake thing with cheese on it and i had a headache for 3 hours. but oh man i want some.

i think i am going to stop now because i feel like a whiny brat. i am really not that angry at much right now. i am pretty damn happy. i love my life, my family, my husband.

i am really only angry that my dad has been sick and that my parents are stressed. other than that, life is golden. but i am pissed that i can't binge on moo shu right now.

Friday, August 22, 2008

back to school

i loved LOVED buying school supplies when i was younger. I loved the smell of new binders, i loved picking out cute folders with puppies and kittens on them. i love organizing my pencils and pens. everything was so clean, pages were so was all full of promise and hope.

i never did well in school, but my supplies were always top notch.

Riley is going into kindergarten in 2 weeks. We got the list of supplies and went to target on Wednesday. Hello Kitty folders! a PINK mead notebook! pink pencils!

it was so fun.

and yesterday we went to old navy for back to school shopping. she got a sweater vest! and a cute orange t-shirt with cupcakes on it. and jeans that fit (funny how summertime always means growing out of your jeans). Nana got her a sweet pair of shoes.

i think i had more fun than riley did. she was pretty much over it after 15 mins. but, we have started the tradition of back to school shopping. funny to think that she will be in school for at least 13 years. i hope she gets better grades than i did. should be easy to do.

so here is what i want for back to school shopping ( of life?) :

this coat

or maybe this coat

and a pair of dark brown frey boots.

and the cute 40's style hat i saw at nordstrom yesterday.

oh and the reason i am not posting pics is because dan took our camera to his office to take photos of random people in front of value village every day...from his office....because he is slightly voyeuristic (also called a "director"). no i am not kidding and click here for proof

and my dad took back the camera he was going to sell me. so. i need a camera. for back to school.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

focusing on something else

i was in the waiting room at the doctor yesterday and read a fascinating article about yeast. i learned that it can be beneficial to do a yeast cleanse. i guess yeast can store up in your system and then you will have an overgrowth of it....and since all i ate yesterday was a baguette, cookies and beer....

so all i have to do is not eat stuff yeast alcohol, sugar, breads (my entire diet) and eat stuff like yogurt and sauerkraut. sure...easy enough.

i hadn't had a pap since 2006. i am not sure how this is possible.

we talked about if i am planning on getting pregnant soon i should start a prenatal vitamin now. she suggested a book about fertility. the whole conversation was completely odd. this idea of preparing your body for pregnancy (what? i have to give up alcohol?). how to track ovulation. all these years....of trying NOT to get pregnant.

and i kept thinking about how unhealthy i was when i got pregnant with riley. i smoked back then. and after i took the test i had a cigarette. just one....but still. i was overweight and disgusting. and riley....has always been as healthy as they come. and she is the smartest 5 year old i know. can your 5 year old do calculus while playing mozart?

earlier this month i was trying to convince myself i could be pregnant. i couldn't stop thinking about it. and i think i totally hit the nail on the head here:

4:39 PM Amanda: you're probably not. you're probably just psyching yourself out because you want it so bad.
me: i know. boo.
4:40 PM i just need to get pregnant the old fashioned way. get drunk and fuck and wake up and not remember. and don't think about it until you vomit up your cheerios.
4:42 PM Amanda: ha ha ha

so i have decided the only way is to not want it. to not even consider it an option. so. i do not want to get pregnant. at all. ever. i dislike babies. i want nothing to do with them. they smell funny. and it would ruin my life. i have a lot more important things i need to do.
like yeast cleanse.
and today i am going to organize the linen closet. i might even mow the lawn.

Monday, August 18, 2008

we took a nap in the afternoon

if i could be the rain
dripping down your face

summer never lasts long enough

and please hold me like
the moss holds trees

Friday, August 15, 2008

totally awesome

"it is like any other party. you stand around and have uncomfortable small talk. but now i have to do it with a mask on my face"

-my dad talking about a mascarade themed party he is going to with my mom on saturday*.

but cmon! how rad is this?

*i might be paraphrasing


it is friday again
to the working girl in me, this has meaning.
i remember the relief.
staring at minutes.
unfolding paperclips.
life started after 5:30.
the traffic didn't bother me on fridays.

but i am not a working girl.
and friday means trash day.
it means what each day means.
absorbing the slowness.
noticing the details.
watching a fly against the window.
feeling sand and throwing stones.
it means unpacking a suitcase
from a trip 2 weeks ago.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

i love this

i could be having a stroke.

yesterday morning, i was reaching for dan to give him a loving smooch and somehow hit him in the face with my elbow.

last night i was getting ice and i dumped the entire tray on the floor.

later, i reached for my water and hit it with my elbow and the glass fell and water went every where.

this morning i spilled hot coffee in my lap.

my hands and elbows are out of control.
what is going on?

Friday, August 8, 2008

9 things that make me happy-august

me: "what are you doing"?
dan: "i am just thinking about what my life would be like if i had not just watched 'eddie and the cruisers 2'.....and it is wonderful"

oh man, i love him.

taking photos makes me happy. i really enjoy it. i am pretty mediocre and i am totally ok with that. i feel like i have so much to learn and it is exciting. also, riley and dan are very easy on the eyes....and on the lens. i need to learn photoshop and step it up a notch.

(i love sam's face in this one. his drink had just tipped over on the grass.)

lately, animals make me happy. like deer, horses, baby raccoons, and possums. i had never seen a live possum until a couple weeks ago. i have seen so many dead ones on the side of the road that it never occurred to me that they might actually be cute when they are alive.
and i really love horses. like in a childlike nerd girl kind of way.
and baby deer are just about as magical as you can get. when i was in montana i saw a few spotted fawns....and a few colts grazing together.....that is what montana is like....a magical land of cuteness...and then the hunters that kill them.

this isn't the best photo....but i was shaking with the thrill of seeing a real live possum on our deck.

one of my proudest parenting moments came when riley was about three. we were walking by a mcdonalds and she proudly said "look mom, it's a yellow M" referring to the famous golden arches. she had no other association to this place....a place most children beg to go. i made it a point to never introduce her to fast food. and even now...she is 5 and about to start kindergarten....and we were watching the olympics opening ceremony at my parents house (we don't have tv) and a commercial for mcdonalds came on. it was a kids soccer game....the team that had lost is sulking and the team that won is gloating and holding their trophy up high. then the team that lost gets happy meals and they are all happy and smiling and a kid holds up his happy meal to show it to the other know like....hahaha we got happy meals and all you got was a stupid trophy. anyway.....riley laughs at this commercial and says "and then that boy held up that box...hahaha". i am not sure why she thought it was funny...but she had NO idea. she has no idea what a happy meal is! is that cruel? some day she is SO going to hate me for depriving her. but for now, the fact that she doesn't know what a happy meal is make me very happy.

babies make me happy. someday....dan and i might have one. the thought of this makes me cry. oh to have a chubby baby on my hip!
until then, i have many people around me having babies to distract me.
sarah's baby, sadie, makes me happy.

not wearing a bra makes me happy. and i know that sounds gross. but it feels so good to go without. not to get all woman's liberation rawr, but the freedom that comes from not wearing this particular undergarment is truly incredible*.

*for those of us that tissue deficiant...or....petite chested.....or lacking in this me.

the ghetto ice cream cream VAN that drives through our neighborhood makes me happy. i had been totally snobby and unwilling to even see what they have...until dan and riley came home with amazing treats this week. um....the best fudgecicle i have ever had.

i wish this was our ice cream truck.

"so is orange the new color to wear around the house"? -dan, said to me this morning. i was wearing orange pants, and orange t-shirt and i have orange nail polish. oh...and i have orange sunglasses. i love orange right now.
p.s jamba juice has a delicious new drink called the orange refresher and it was...both orange and refreshing.

here are my sweet orange shades.

dahlias! my grandmothers favorite flowers were dahlias. i always think of her when i see them.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


there was a family of raccoons in the back yard a bit ago. i know i shouldn't like them. i know they are filthy and mean and pests. but the three little baby raccoons were precious. they jumped and played. they made little curious purr noises and frolicked.

dan is working and i can't sleep... so here is a sleepless poem:

i become hyper aware of noises
in this empty house

something is burrowing
beneath the floorboards.
tiny paws
digging dirt.
and there is a mosquito
withing 20 feet.

oh this night is incomplete
like the sliver of moon

and when the key scrapes the lock
i suppose i will rest
when all the sounds fade
into your return.

i am pathetic.

here is riley swimming today. she is learning the backstroke.

my throat hurts. i really don't want to be sick. i just had a cup of tea and it is like 80 degrees out.


Tuesday, August 5, 2008

oh, and...

i love pregnant bellies. seriously.

this is my brother in law and his soon to be wife and baby's momma.
ok. so reno was great. not too hot...well it was mid 90's...but not bad. and i love dan's family so much. they are the warmest, kindest group of people.

riley got to feed and brush a horse. she loves horses and wants to have a farm someday.

it was the perfect temperature first thing in the morning. and then you either have to be in shade or in air conditioning. here is dan looking HOT (as always).

i had fun taking photos for sam and shelly. it was a pretty spot. who would have thought nevada was pretty?

for more of their wedding go here.

taking photos is fun.

Monday, August 4, 2008


my dear friend sarah had a baby girl this morning! happy birthday sadie rose! welcome to the world!

i have a thousand pics and for some reason this stupid blog won't let me upload them.

so go to my flickr.