plan or non plan, plan

i feel weird. my schedule changed and i am thrown off. i sleep at different hours, eat at odd times, rarely shower...wait...that is the same as always....but i feel like my clock is off. i don't feel as rested as i should. my body feels like it is in shock. like i need a reboot. i think i should do a detox....and then make a strict schedule for myself...even though i really have nothing to do because i am not working....but i should be working on me (gag).
so....i have a new plan.

old plan: sleep at odd times, eat whenever food is in front of you, stay up till 2 am, wallow, ponder, aimlessly drive, drink a bottle of vodka in a couple days.

new plan: wake up at 6. run. shower. have healthy breakfast with family. get child dressed, ready for school, pack lunch. drive child to school. return to house. yoga/meditation. tidy home, do house chores. healthy lunch. ponder. write. look for employment that would be fulfilling to soul. read a book. bake. go pick up child from school. make healthy dinner. enjoy family. cuddle on couch. go to bed at 10.


bahahaha!

new addictions:

- deadwood

once an episode is over i must watch another immediately. i have been staying up until 2 am every night compulsively watching show after show.

it is so fucking good. whores, booze, slitting throats.....ahh.....bedtime stories....

- baguettes with butter and jam. i can't get enough of bakery nouveau in west seattle.
everything is amazing.

- dahlias

- skyy vanilla vodka. i have had to cut myself off from this one...it was too delicious.

- trophy cupcake

addict

each gash will bleed
she'll slice and gush
to binge, to feel
her torture, her game
they are not yours to heal

her weight is not your own
she has the grip. she plays it well.
and she'll use your wings
when she jumps

everyone tries to save
a baby bird at least once

love, cupcakes, and quitting.

new things in my life:

1. the discovery of trophy cupcakes. it is amazing.

the triple chocolate is divine. like jesus made it. with godly ingredients. in heaven.

and the lemon cupcake is intense. the lemon butter cake is creamy and dense like pound cake and the fluffy buttercream frosting must have an entire lemon in it. or ten lemons.

they also have cute little cards. go there. you will not be disappointed.

2. my lover has moved in. with him came boxes and boxes of books. and more boxes of comic books. and 10,000 dvd's. and the house feels really really tiny now. tiny and full of love. i would live in a tent, if it meant living with him.

3. we have a wii. saturday nights now consist of smoking pot and playing wii into the wii hours. i always hated video games. until now. i am really good at wii bowling. unlike real bowling. it is like a dream come true.

4. i quit my job. the job i loved. i had a great salary. amazing benefits. great coworkers. except my boss....who just could not leave me alone. i learned a lot. i learned that once you lose all respect for the person you need to answer to, it won't work. i told him to "go fuck himself" and said "i don't know how you look in the mirror". the man is the biggest slimeball i have ever met. a manipulative, lying, cheating, shallow, arrogant asshole . i hope he gets what he deserves and lives miserably ever after now that he has left his wife and new baby to have the life of a spineless bachelor who finds fleeting joy in doing lines and fucking hookers. what a pile of shit.

5. it has been so long since i baked. now that i am unemployed....again....i will surely get back into it. who knows...perhaps i will start a bakery. i might finally be done with advertising. i want to do what i love. or least find a slight enjoyment in my soul from a job. is that too much to ask for?

6. we bought tickets to go to hawaii in november. for almost 2 weeks. fuck yes.

7. i might be getting married soon. it has been discussed.

this will change things. <- understatement of the year. i would be the luckiest girl alive. 8. i have discovered a new delightful cocktail. skyy vanilla vodka plus gus cranberry lime dry soda plus sparkling water plus squeeze of lime equals holy fucking shit delicious.

9. danger and i have discovered the best tacos in seattle. they come from a taco bus in white center. i could eat there every day. and it is $ 4.50 for three of the most incredible carne asada tacos north of tijauna.

10. being in love is fun.