Wednesday, December 17, 2008

blek

we have no internet. hopefully this is temporary.

also...all i do these days is gag. i am not quite a functioning human. i don't shower, do dishes, put on make-up, cook, run or blog. all i do is gag, sleep, complain, moan, cry, and force feed myself.

food has become my enemy. an old lover i must keep in contact with even though i find it revolting. sure, sure we had some good times. sure, i used to cherish you. but now i find you awful...but i need you for survival. curse you, food!


so...aside from all this....life is wonderful and magical.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

blame barbie

this picture really makes me chuckle.














speaking of presents....i am just...about......done with my list. hooray!
i have absolutely no idea how i am going to pack everything in our suitcase for Reno.....but it will be done!

have you seen how barbie™ crap is packaged? or really any kids stuff.....so much plastic packaging.....a huge plastic dome...this will somehow fit with other plastic bubbles in our suitcase.....

the bigger question here is why in hell did i actually purchase barbie crap for my child? after so many years of loudly protesting anything related to barbie...after the long conversations i had with a toddler about healthy body image and real expectations of beauty. after year after year saying "no" every single time riley asked "pleeeease can i have a barbie?"
why?
well.....because i am weak. because she wants it so bad. because, if you were to ask her why her mother doesn't like barbie, she would say "because women don't look like barbie".
and because i have found a tiny loophole in my own vapid rule. if the barbie is one of the disney princess's....then i guess it isn't that bad.....right?
so she will be getting the little mermaid....not barbie.....(this is what i tell myself). she is getting a pink pegasus...not the barbie fairy horse.


i can't believe we will be coming home with a puppy. i am so excited.

with any luck....the puppy will chew the barbie into flattened, punctured, scarred, burn victim with extreme deformities and missing limbs. this will give me an opportunity to lecture her about how everyone, even barbie, should be loved with flaws and missing parts. so what barbie only has one hand and is missing half her hair!.....she still has a good heart. and look how pretty her other hand is!

i have problems.
i blame the barbie's i played with as a child. and my parents, of course.

someday, riley will have serious issues because of me and my attempts to save her from the ugliness of the world. she will hate and resent me.

or maybe she won't and she will be totally rad and confident and creative and strong and will thank me for my amazing mothering.

or maybe she will be a little of both. like most of us.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

here in december

it feels like the confetti
of rain
here is december
running in any weather

the sky is celebrating
a happiness so deep in my chest
beauty is everywhere
and almost blinding

tears come easily now
i don't mind
(the rain hides them anyway)
in pines and cedars
the mush of old leaves
under so many silent steps


here in fog. in mud.
in the soggiest of grass.
here in winter.

i have never been so warm.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

i will not stop listening to christmas music for the next month

"for christmas i really want Wonder the Wonderpup!! it walks and barks and is just like a REAL dog. batteries are not included"

-riley

she watched lots of TV at her grandparents house this weekend.




delayed list of stuff i am thankful for this year:

  • obama
  • husband and daughter and the way it feels when we are all cozy and on the couch under a blanket watching a movie
  • trader joes chocolate covered graham crackers
  • green bean casserole
  • the fact that i can run a couple miles every other day and it doesn't feel all that horrible
  • my camera
  • my friend sarah
  • baguettes
  • my dad's successful fight against cancer

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

i know it is almost thanksgiving....but more importantly, it is almost christmas.

christmas card test shot. don't worry, the real one includes me.




















Riley did this all by herself! i was very impressed.



















i will translate:

1. dora pegasus
2. puppy (she wants a stuffed puppy she saw in a catalog...it has high heel shoes and is absolutely hideous...little does she know she will be getting a real puppy)
3. doll
4. barbie
5. bunk bed
6. ariel doll (little mermaid...i think it is made by barbie)
7. unicorn (little figurine she saw at target)

Monday, November 24, 2008

monday

not much to say.....but here:




"this is what i am going to wear to reno"
















dan being awesome as usual








riley's real (and heartbreakingly gorgeous) smile

Sunday, November 23, 2008

home improvemnet!

home project! we have curtains! and i LOVE them. they make our "den" feel more complete and cozy. and it feels fancy and formal. (thanks dad for coming over with a drill and helping us!)
























































here is dan on his iphone...as usual...and riley is reading the bible. yes.....the bible. a picture bible. she has been talking about god lately....and she asks a lot of questions about adam and eve. so dan started reading to her from this picture bible....i think she is hooked. this morning i overheard her singing a song about santa and god.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

our puppy!!


her eyes are now open!

(how cute is her lil spotted nose!!!!)

Friday, November 21, 2008

it is tough to be so fabulous
















done and done

so i did go running yesterday. and i did manage to take a couple pictures.
(can you tell how annoyed they are of this?)




















































Thursday, November 20, 2008

have a cookie

i have not gone running in one week.

i swear i will go today.

(but it is rainy and cold and windy and so dark out)



i have this amazing camera and i really want to use it more.
here are some of my hold-ups:
-dan and riley are sick of me taking pictures of them
-i can only take so many self portraits
-it is gray and ugly out.
-i lack inspiration


today i am going to force myself to take some photos. right after i force myself to go running.


december will be a better month for photos.
why? here are some reasons:
-christmas inspires me. the lights. the food. the music. the snow.
-will be around family that is not sick of me sticking camera in their faces
-babies (megan is due dec 24th.....and i will see my 3 month old niece in reno)
-puppy!!



i went to the dentist yesterday. it was as awful as i remember. i love how they try to be all super sensitive and nice. she said "we will take it one step at a time...at your pace.....i am here for YOU.....you tell ME what you are comfortable with and what you want me to do"

i responded "i want you to remove all my teeth and give me a blender"

she didn't even laugh. seriously.

and then she said "it is just like going to a hair salon".

really? because they don't shove sharp tools into your gums at a hair salon.

they say all this nice stuff and then lean you back and jab stuff in your mouth. you gag. you bleed. and they are so sweet and nice about it. i would almost prefer them to be mean. it would make more sense.

i think my main problem with dentists is that i hate them. even the "nice" ones.....i see it as an act because they still tell you that you need an extraction, root canal, drilling, and 2 crowns. and they charge you thousands and thousands of dollars to sit in a dirty chair and sit through hours of torture.

i am aware that i am whining right now.

i feel like dentists are so out of touch with reality that they say things like "oh, it is so neat...we take a titanium rod and drill it into the bone..."

i wanted to run out screaming. and then they offered me a cookie. i am serious. "we bake fresh cookies each morning". this proves my point that they are evil. EVIL.

"wow...all your teeth are rotting out of your skull.....here...have a cookie" *big evil smile*


the only things that makes going to the dentist ok.....are drugs. lots and lots of drugs.



p.s. i took a cookie.

Monday, November 17, 2008

doritos superbowl contest entry

speaking of "acting"....here is us "not acting" (our only real scene went directly to the cutting room floor...yes....it was that good) in dan's dorito's superbowl contest entry:






also seen here on the official contest site.


p.s. that is NOT my voice at the end....obvs....my voice is much sweeter :)

foggy and chilly this morning



















(don't worry, she is "acting")

dumb

i broke a tooth.


i hate teeth. it seems like we should have evolved away from teeth by now. or at least we should have invented some sort of high strength sealant to prevent cavities.

p.s. i have a theory that dentists are actually high functioning psychopaths who truly enjoy torturing people.

Friday, November 14, 2008

i should have just said "fine"

guy making my latte: how are you doing today?

me: good.....they are hanging holiday wreathes on all the light posts outside...you know what that means....

guy (fake yawns): boring...i find christmas so dull. i prefer thanksgiving.

me: really? have you tried the stolen bread from here? it is amazing.

guy (with smug face): yes. i used to live in germany. i've had stolen.

me: i just think the holiday is very exciting, if nothing else, for all the delicious food associated with it....i mean....why else would you like thanksgiving?

guy: i like the meaning behind it

me (with shocked face): really?

guy: i think it is important to be thankful for things.

me: oh, i thought you meant the raping and pillaging and....

guy (with fake smile) interupts me: have a nice day!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

lists

dan is working late and i am bored.


so i am going to make lists.


things i should be doing instead of blogging:

-dishes
-cleaning up all the crap in the living room
-laundry
-reading something other than the internet
-sit ups


places i want to go in the next year:

-hawaii
-paris
-amsterdam
-portland


food i wish i was eating right now:

-cheeseburger
-smore cupcakes
-chocolate pudding
-sweet potato gnocchi in sage butter
-peppermint ice cream


possible names for puppy:

-butterscotch marshmallow
-luci jr
-barack obama
-hope
-lola
-miss princess perfect
-buttermilk biscuit


words that rhyme with bored:

-floored
-cord
-poured
-sword
-gourd



what i want for christmas:

-pajamas
-anything from anthropologie
-frey boots
-the little bracket to hold the dishwasher to the counter so it doesn't fall over every time i fill it.


what i would do to the house if i could:

-paint
-new awning and front porch
-add second bathroom
-refinish floors
-paint all bedrooms
-front fence and new landscaping


things that are free and incredible:

-cuddling
-conversation
-samples of the almond roca bars at costco
-daydreaming about walking around paris
-kissing
-walking outside
-believing


things that are expensive but totally worth it:

-champagne
-truffle oil
-chocolates from bakery nouveau
-my face lotion
-fresh squeezed orange juice
-nice sheets

way to avoid exercise: blog instead

true or false:

gaining weight is more enjoyable than losing weight.


-cakes. cookies. pasta with ham and cream sauce. wine at lunch. butter on bread. spoonfuls of frosting. late night movie snacks under a blanket. brunch. beer. lots of beer.
all of this is extremely enjoyable.

however...

jeans feeling too tight to button. avoiding all mirrors. baggy t-shirts. not wanting to take off your coat...even though you are hot. wearing the same pajama pants everyday. feeling your arm jiggle after you wave to someone. looking down at rolls of belly. feeling ugly.


now.....lets not be so quick to decide here....

losing weight:

run in the rain and wind and cold. sore legs and joints. 10 more push ups. small portions. water. dressing on the side. no mayo. no, i would not like to see the dessert menu. i'll just have the salad. how many calories are in that? no eating after 8. take the stairs. no, i can't have the carbs.

but.....
i look better in tighter clothes. i don't cringe when i see myself naked. i don't mind getting dressed in the morning. feel accomplished after running a mile. i don't get that guilty "why did i eat all of that" feeling. more energy.



i think this is close......but i have to say the answer is "true". gaining weight is more enjoyable than losing weight.


i have to go run now. ug.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

shocked?

i am dealing with the strangest emotion. i guess it could be called ANGER. but not my normal variety of anger. it is like embarrassment or disappointment...but with a source. and that source is someone i totally love. and so i feel so mad. but with no real place for it to land. i feel like my head might explode. so i made myself a drink involving a lot of vodka.



1/4 of drink gone: still angry and can't stop talking about it. i never want to talk to dan again. he is clearly to blame.

1/3 drink consumed: less angry. more irritated and humiliated.

1/2 gone: finding humor in situation. still mortified.

2/3 in belly: it is soooo not important...i know this. but i am still mad at my husband and feel that is totes justifiable.....but whatever. (i kind of feel like this may be my own shit)

drink gone: meh.


i need another drink.


ok. i was an "actress" in a commercial for dan today. i feel like i did a really bad job because....um.....I AM NOT AN ACTRESS. and my husband, who i love, gave me nothing. NOTHING. no feedback. no suggestions. no constructive criticism. i felt stupid and totally out of my element. i froze in front of a room of people, lights and a camera. i felt ridicules and embarrassed and hung out to dry.

my "scene" is ....oh about a second.....in a 30 second spot. and i have no lines. all i had to do was look shocked.

and i feel like i failed.

overreact much?




second drink helping.

Monday, November 10, 2008

examples of #7 from previous post

























november

things i LOVE right now:


1. eggnog (a splash in coffee. so so so goooood)

2. candles that smell like cinnamon or pine trees.

3. running outside (yes...this is dana....and yes....something has happened to the old me that hated to move. i know, i am just as shocked as anyone)

4. daydreaming about puppy names (the amount of time and brain power i spend on this should be alarming and disgusting....but i don't care)

5. making christmas lists absurdly early (i already know what i am getting for everyone)

6. shopping for puppy accessories (wtf is wrong with me? i actually got excited about a "cute" collar the other day....a COLLAR. i mean....it did have cupcakes on it...but still)

7. obama and how my heart feels warmer because of him.

8. the way my husband looks in a cozy hoodie and pajama pants

9. my target coat. (cute. warm. 30 bucks)

10. the anthropologie hat dan got me for christmas last year that i wear every day.

Friday, November 7, 2008

winter is approaching (yay!)

not to get all crazy and holiday on you....i mean...it is only November 7th.....but, the ornaments at anthropologie are SO sweet this year! and williams sonama has a candle that smells exactly like christmas trees. it is heavenly. i'm just sayin.



















































































































and here is riley this morning all bundled up and ready for the rain:













Thursday, November 6, 2008

swoon

puppies!














um....look at the tail. i can't breath.


















this is the little girl we want. i think she looks like a carmel covered marshmallow. with chocolate drizzle. or a s'more. or a caramel macchiato mocha.
she is a little nibble of deliciousness.

in the rain

i actually went running in the RAIN today. this is huge. i braved the conditions. this is so unlike me.

i feel like a new person.

i ran an entire mile without walking. a mile. one whole mile.

this is a big deal.

sure, it took me 15 minutes.....but still.

my goal is to be able to run for an hour without walking. so.....15 min down....45 to go.

sometime next year i might be able to achieve this.

also: i did 20 push-ups. i know, i am an animal. speaking of.....


puppy update:

there are two girls. both have white faces and bellies. one is brindle (darker and brownish) and one is fawn (tan).
i will have pictures of them tonight. yay!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

fantastic happenings all around

two exciting things that happened last night:

1: obama won

2: puppies were born

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

um...so...we are getting a puppy!

puppies are due this week. Lucy is having 7 (!) and we asked for a girl. it just happens to be perfect...they will be ready and old enough to take home at christmas.....riley would die if she found a puppy with a big red bow under the tree.....we will be in reno visiting the family for christmas.....this all works out so perfectly! i am really excited. i keep looking at pics online and it is killing me. i mean.....seriously.....so freaking CUTE....













































totally voted!

dan woke up all crazy and excited this morning...like it was christmas. he started looking at his iphone for any election data at 7:30am. he was disappointed that there wasn't a line of people at our polling place. i showed my excitement by celebrating this day with an eggnog latte, and i wore blue and red.

here i am with the latte and my voter card:


















dan in action voting shot:


















post voting serious face with "i voted" sticker:

Monday, November 3, 2008

rockin body update

i am down 2 lbs. 13 more to go.

if i reach this goal i will weigh what i did in high school. that means it has been almost 12 years since i was this "glory" weight. i am not entirely sure this weight is possible...but i thought it was a good goal....meaning when i fail but get close...i will still feel pretty darn good and proud of myself. i am aware that this is slightly backwards thinking.


today i played wii fit for 35 minutes and shattered dan's score at the bubble game. i am really only competitive when it comes to silly games and arm wrestling. btw....i challenge anyone to arm wrestling.....and i will win.

then i went running...and i ran for 15 minutes and walked for 5. this is an improvement. i know it sounds wussy...but it is a huge accomplishment and it felt actually kinda good. i mean...i still hate it completely....but it wasn't as bad today.


in other news:

dan's brother, sam ,and his wife shelly, have 2 boxers: chopper and lucy. and lucy is pregnant. and dan wants a boxer. so...we might have a puppy in the nearish future.

i started looking at pictures of boxer puppies and got excited. we will see. this might be something that fizzles out....but for now......um......


























Sunday, November 2, 2008

wii fit

this is amazing. you stand on a board and play games like skiing, hula hooping, tight rope walking....and it is so much fun! and kills your abs! seriously...i played for a half hour and was sweating and out of of breath (this actually doesn't mean much because i get out of breath easily) it also has strength training exercises and yoga....and the more you do the more points you get to unlock new games. also, you check in each day and it graphs your bmi, weight and tracks your goal...my goal is 15 lbs in two months. dan's is 5 lbs. and riley is trying to gain weight.

it is genius and awesome.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

new camera!

yay! i love my husband!

new toy! new toy! i have a lot to learn....two new lenses and i have never used a canon...so i need to play around and get acquainted.....it is so much fun!

































Friday, October 31, 2008

a year ago

be of love a little more careful than of anything
-e.e. cummings



today is our anniversary. one year ago today we dressed up like alabama and clarence and went to the courthouse.


















i seriously love him more every day. it is so much fucking fun.
it has, by far, been the best year of my life.
i can't wait for more.





(rare, unseen photo of our real "first kiss" as husband and wife)