sledding after christmas

playing in the snow was very, very fun:

motivate

Hi!

today is supposed to be my first day back to a work out schedule.

i am motivating by drinking tea, cuddling with a puppy and blogging.

i am freakishly in love with the puppy. i know that this might be some weird emotional misplaced affection due to baby loss.....but i don't care. i mean...it's not like i am dressing her up in baby clothes, giving her a bottle and rocking her to sleep or anything.....but i do find that holding her warm sleeping body on my chest while i watch a movie makes me feel cozy and complete. soon she will be too big and too canine for this....but at the moment.....she is fills my cuddle void.

i think dan is feeling it too...as seen here:
















here is a fun conversation from this weekend:


riley: i need some of those paper things....those what do you call them? the paper dimes? the green paper?

me: you call it cash money.

riley: i need some cash because i don't have any. can you give me some?



seriously. paper dimes? how cute is that!



i guess i must go running now. cuddle time is over and chew on everything time has started.
note: there is something not so sweet about puppy breath after you just watched the puppy lick the toilet at your husbands office of all boys.

redhead

i have new hair. it is freaky fun. nothing makes you feel like a whole new person like new hair color. i kind of love it and kind of freaked out by it. i mean.....i never thought i would have red hair. yes, red.













































i know. CRAZY weird.

i am strawberry shortcake.

love it or hate it....at least it is different....which was my goal.



today i visited my friend megan and her 3 week old baby, tate. they are adorable. and i really like to take pics of people...i mean...coco is great...but i have ten thousand puppy pictures.

day by day

here is what my week was like:













































good news....my car is fixed.

this week i am going to get my hair cut and colored.
i am also going to leave the house as much as possible.
i might start running again.
i am going to bake treats and make delicious dinners.
i am going to be a part of the world.

frozen

no internet and no car.

i feel like someone hit the pause button on my life.

nothing is happening.
i can't move.
i find it hard to care about anything.

the city talks of flooding and storms and wind.
i could be swept away and barely notice.



i need to reboot. someone please reboot me. or at least shake me as hard as you can.

what my husband was doing while i was packing for reno

playing with star wars legos.

2009. it will be better. won't be too hard to do.

oh hi.

so here i am, at my parents house...brushing a dying cat.

it won't be long now. i keep telling him all about the catnip and perfect frolicking meadows he is about to pounce to. or at least the end of his suffering.


how is that for uplifting? don't worry, i have more.


here is to the end of 2008!

let me be the last to say it...."eff you 2008"
(i know i am late with this blog...due to.....well, every bad thing possible that has kept me in hibernation for the past couple weeks)

here is why i hate you, 2008:

really? my dad with kidney cancer? eff you.
um...remember gas prices? total effing dumb.
sibling wars and family division. effing awesome.
the economy and how everyone i know seems to be going broke. rad.
my cousin....like he hasn't gone through enough. why not add on more pain. eff you.
don't worry i saved the best for last...
a miscarriage. in a snowstorm. before christmas.
i hate snow. i hate ballard. i hate driving in seattle if it snows. i hate everything.


i have a lot of anger at the moment.


so. 2009. bring it.
i have a couple of hopes...

my dad will stay cancer free
i will get pregnant again and stay that way for 9 months (hopefully with less nausea than last time...)
my lovely sister-in-law, shelly, will also have a healthy pregnancy
obama will make me proud
hawaii in february


i know all this seems personal. and it is. but, hey.....welcome to my blog.


now on to happier thoughts....because i need to focus:

i LOVE my husband. so much. like a huge weight of love on my chest. like i can't breath because of this love crushing me. like i am floating in love. it is a feather. it is the softest love. the sharpest love. it holds on so tight and sets me free.
















(i know, gushy and so gross)


puppy!!! what a difference a puppy makes. she is the best distraction....and the timing was perfect. i needed her. meet coco chanel:




































riley is my little shining star......sure, she is completely difficult and argumentative and feircly independent.....but she is also so sweet. and tough as nails. and i am so proud of her.




















i read all four Twilight books in 5 days.

i actually had a conversation with an 11 year old girl about how great Twilight is. i am not kidding. dan walked over and whispered in my ear "you are talking about Twilight"....this of course snapped me out of it.

everyone should be worried about me. i might dress up and go see the movie. i am coming unglued.



ok bye.