4-5 things that make me angry- august

i almost forgot to do this. it is the last week of august. i can't believe it. summer is almost over. riley is about to start school. crazy how time vanishes.

so. here it is:


















advertising. it is our livelihood. it was mine. it is dan's. and my dad's. i have a lot of friends and family in advertising. i met dan working in advertising. it allows artists and creative people to make a lot of money. it puts food and flowers on our table. but it still sucks*.

"whenever i actually watch tv, i realize that i hate advertising. i am creating stuff i hate"

-dan, last night after we watched the olympics closing ceremony and all the commercials that went with it.

i cringe every time a commercial comes on aimed at children...because i know it works...and suddenly riley is asking for hannah montana notebooks and saying "i want to go to WALMART"!

when she said that my heart broke a little. i know she is going to go to school next week and be influenced by her peers. i know i won't have that much control over what she likes...what is "cool". i know she will be fine and she will make ton's of friends because she will say "i LOVE hannah montana" even though she has never once seen the show or heard her music....but she has seen the commercials.

* i am aware that i might sound totally ungrateful. and i should be thanking my lucky stars for advertising...because it allowed me to grow up the way i did and it allowed me to be a single mom and own a home and it is why i don't have to work now. and i do thank my lucky stars and i am grateful. but i also see problems with advertising. mainly, that a lot of it sucks.

oh. and just for fun and because i love his quote...here is my favorite Banksy:















i really do love the rain. but it makes me a little upset that august has been so rainy and cold. i mean...august is supposed to be the hottest month of summer. not this:











we did a lot of fun stuff this summer. but i am a little upset that there are some things i didn't do this summer. i didn't go to the coast and camp. i didn't go to cannon beach. i didn't go to sun valley for the 4th (but we are going next week!). i didn't go swimming in lake washington. i didn't have the ice cream social/cocktail party in my backyard. i didn't even make ice cream. i didn't get around to planting basil. i didn't do enough with the yard. or anything, really. i haven't baked a blackberry pie. yet.















it makes me angry that i am allergic to MSG. because i have been craving bad chinese food for a couple weeks. we went to uwajimaya yesterday and it was like torture. i wanted to eat everything. i had a bite of this cake thing with cheese on it and i had a headache for 3 hours. but oh man i want some.




















i think i am going to stop now because i feel like a whiny brat. i am really not that angry at much right now. i am pretty damn happy. i love my life, my family, my husband.

i am really only angry that my dad has been sick and that my parents are stressed. other than that, life is golden. but i am pissed that i can't binge on moo shu right now.

back to school

i loved LOVED buying school supplies when i was younger. I loved the smell of new binders, i loved picking out cute folders with puppies and kittens on them. i love organizing my pencils and pens. everything was so clean, pages were so blank....it was all full of promise and hope.

i never did well in school, but my supplies were always top notch.

Riley is going into kindergarten in 2 weeks. We got the list of supplies and went to target on Wednesday. Hello Kitty folders! a PINK mead notebook! pink pencils!

it was so fun.


and yesterday we went to old navy for back to school shopping. she got a sweater vest! and a cute orange t-shirt with cupcakes on it. and jeans that fit (funny how summertime always means growing out of your jeans). Nana got her a sweet pair of shoes.

i think i had more fun than riley did. she was pretty much over it after 15 mins. but, we have started the tradition of back to school shopping. funny to think that she will be in school for at least 13 years. i hope she gets better grades than i did. should be easy to do.


so here is what i want for back to school shopping (um..school of life?) :


this coat
















or maybe this coat











and a pair of dark brown frey boots.

and the cute 40's style hat i saw at nordstrom yesterday.



oh and the reason i am not posting pics is because dan took our camera to his office to take photos of random people in front of value village every day...from his office....because he is slightly voyeuristic (also called a "director"). no i am not kidding and click here for proof

and my dad took back the camera he was going to sell me. so. i need a camera. for back to school.

focusing on something else

i was in the waiting room at the doctor yesterday and read a fascinating article about yeast. i learned that it can be beneficial to do a yeast cleanse. i guess yeast can store up in your system and then you will have an overgrowth of it....and since all i ate yesterday was a baguette, cookies and beer....

so all i have to do is not eat stuff yeast likes....so alcohol, sugar, breads (my entire diet) and eat stuff like yogurt and sauerkraut. sure...easy enough.


i hadn't had a pap since 2006. i am not sure how this is possible.


we talked about if i am planning on getting pregnant soon i should start a prenatal vitamin now. she suggested a book about fertility. the whole conversation was completely odd. this idea of preparing your body for pregnancy (what? i have to give up alcohol?). how to track ovulation. all these years....of trying NOT to get pregnant.

and i kept thinking about how unhealthy i was when i got pregnant with riley. i smoked back then. and after i took the test i had a cigarette. just one....but still. i was overweight and disgusting. and riley....has always been as healthy as they come. and she is the smartest 5 year old i know. can your 5 year old do calculus while playing mozart?


earlier this month i was trying to convince myself i could be pregnant. i couldn't stop thinking about it. and i think i totally hit the nail on the head here:

4:39 PM Amanda: you're probably not. you're probably just psyching yourself out because you want it so bad.

me: i know. boo.

4:40 PM i just need to get pregnant the old fashioned way. get drunk and fuck and wake up and not remember. and don't think about it until you vomit up your cheerios.

4:42 PM Amanda: ha ha ha

totally

so i have decided the only way is to not want it. to not even consider it an option. so. i do not want to get pregnant. at all. ever. i dislike babies. i want nothing to do with them. they smell funny. and it would ruin my life. i have a lot more important things i need to do.
like yeast cleanse.
and today i am going to organize the linen closet. i might even mow the lawn.

we took a nap in the afternoon

if i could be the rain
dripping down your face

summer never lasts long enough

and please hold me like
the moss holds trees

totally awesome

"it is like any other party. you stand around and have uncomfortable small talk. but now i have to do it with a mask on my face"

-my dad talking about a mascarade themed party he is going to with my mom on saturday*.



but cmon! how rad is this?



























































*i might be paraphrasing

friday

it is friday again
to the working girl in me, this has meaning.
i remember the relief.
staring at minutes.
unfolding paperclips.
life started after 5:30.
the traffic didn't bother me on fridays.

but i am not a working girl.
and friday means trash day.
it means what each day means.
absorbing the slowness.
noticing the details.
watching a fly against the window.
feeling sand and throwing stones.
it means unpacking a suitcase
from a trip 2 weeks ago.

i love this