Monday, September 17, 2007

what a weekend!

guess who vomited all day saturday? me!

i feel so clean. you know, after puking all contents of your stomach including start over..all fresh and new. this should be the new "cleansing" trend. to "purify" yourself..."try our colon cleanse and then try our new stomach cleanse".
if only it wasn't already claimed by bulimics.

i went to a birthday party yesterday for 3 girls all turning five. in lovely kirkland. at some point i will have to get over my fear and contempt for other parents and children. but not today. what point did it become appropriate to have a huge plastic bin for presents that the child simply takes home to mindlessly tear open in the comfort of their home? there has to be some kind of etiquette on this.

here is what emily post says:


A small girl (or boy) giving a party should receive with her mother at the door and greet all her friends as they come in. If it is her birthday and other children bring her gifts, she must say “Thank you” politely. On no account must she be allowed to tell a child “I hate dolls,” if a friend has brought her one. She must learn at an early age that as hostess she must think of her guests rather than herself, and not want the best toys in the grab-bag or scream because another child gets the prize that is offered in a contest. If beaten in a game, a little girl, no less than her brothers, must never cry, or complain that the contest is “not fair” when she loses. She must try to help her guests have a good time, and not insist on playing the game she likes instead of those which the other children suggest.
When she herself goes to a party, she must say, “How do you do,” when she enters the room, and curtsy to the lady who receives. A boy makes a bow. They should have equally good manners as when at home, and not try to grab more than their share of favors or toys. When it is time to go home, they must say, “Good-by, I had a very good time,” or, “Good-by, thank you ever so much.”

well....i am not sure if this applies. and we didn't get any kind of thanks for bring 3 one was there to greet us....i think i will write a rule here:

if your child is invited to a birthday party, they should gently place the gift(s) in the overflowing plastic bin silently and unnoticed by anyone, and should expect no sign or acknowledgment that they have brought a gift. after being contaminated by germs for roughly 1 hour, consumed hydrogenated soybean oil and high fructose corn syrup (i.e frosting), your child should say thank you to the birthday girl (again, this will be unnoticed) and leave with a insulin crash and a viral infection.

um...anyway. that poor, deprived child is going to have a birthday at a yoga studio where they will eat veggies and fruit and there will be a "no gifts" rule. i am very cruel.

in the news today:

wear baggy pants= go to jail.

are they serious? i mean, i hear ya on the whole we don't want to see your ass it is just so, like, 10 years ago, and i am so over the whole gangsta fad...but, come on, jail time? for real?

i really hope the next thing to go are the super low slut jeans on girls. i would like to see some tramp go to jail for having visible pubic hair. and if i have to see ONE MORE g string !!!! you are going to jail bitch.

finally, the police are also fashion police. it is about fucking time. warning to anyone wearing ponchos, uggs, or velour track suits.

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