i am dealing with the strangest emotion. i guess it could be called ANGER. but not my normal variety of anger. it is like embarrassment or disappointment...but with a source. and that source is someone i totally love. and so i feel so mad. but with no real place for it to land. i feel like my head might explode. so i made myself a drink involving a lot of vodka.
1/4 of drink gone: still angry and can't stop talking about it. i never want to talk to dan again. he is clearly to blame.
1/3 drink consumed: less angry. more irritated and humiliated.
1/2 gone: finding humor in situation. still mortified.
2/3 in belly: it is soooo not important...i know this. but i am still mad at my husband and feel that is totes justifiable.....but whatever. (i kind of feel like this may be my own shit)
drink gone: meh.
i need another drink.
ok. i was an "actress" in a commercial for dan today. i feel like i did a really bad job because....um.....I AM NOT AN ACTRESS. and my husband, who i love, gave me nothing. NOTHING. no feedback. no suggestions. no constructive criticism. i felt stupid and totally out of my element. i froze in front of a room of people, lights and a camera. i felt ridicules and embarrassed and hung out to dry.
my "scene" is ....oh about a second.....in a 30 second spot. and i have no lines. all i had to do was look shocked.
and i feel like i failed.
second drink helping.