i feel like a broken pathetic mess of a human.
i am failing at recovering from the emotional sucker punch in december. total fail.
sure, some days are better. sure sometimes i even see babies and have no pain in my chest. sometimes i can even talk about the future without sobbing. so, i guess i have made some small steps forward (i originally wrote "baby steps" and then deleted it because it made me slightly sad.....thus contradicting the entire statement altogether).
truth: i am a mess. i am having an emotional breakdown. i am so close to running away, breaking every lamp, shaving my head, and tattooing my face.
either that or i will curl up in a ball and sob for a few hours and then feel better until next time i hear about another person i know getting pregnant. (i swear....i really am happy for everyone...i am just self obsessed right now with my own pain and lack of pregnancy)
i know how pathetic all this sounds. which is truly torturing. i am aware that i have so much to be happy about. i am aware that i sound like a weak ,whiny, jealous, crazy woman who just wants a baby...even though i already have a beautiful child.....and that there are women out there with real problems like starving to death and spousal abuse and botched lipo and botox addiction*.
*that was me attempting to be funny even though i feel like kicking walls.