Monday, June 9, 2008

how i do

we have been watching the wire a lot and i find myself extremely attached to some of the in an unhealthy way. like the way i was attached to felicity...and we all know why that was wrong. but...when i watched bodie get gunned down by marlow's crew....i was so fucking pissed. like i wanted revenge. i wanted to pop a cap in their muthafuckin face. cuz that's how i do. shit.

i made cake and cupcakes for my cousin's bridal shower yesterday. it was fun. i made a white chocolate buttercream cake with fresh flowers, orange liquor buttercream frosted cupcakes with sugared orange peel, and lavender buttercream cupcakes.

notes from my dream last night:

i was standing in a parking lot.
it was hot.
august sweaty white t shirt hot.
he had a dirty face. like he had been working on car engines.
(he worked at jiffy lube in high school)
he lit a cigarette
i was watching but trying not to, rumaging through a bag like i was looking for something very important, a lot more important than him. i didn't want him to even realize i had noticed him standing there, let alone the fact that he was smoking...and sweaty.
but i was watching him the whole time.
he smoked like james dean.
i wanted one.
he saw me and i knew my efforts to act cool were worthless.
i felt pretty. and completely transparent while he spoke.
his friend had just been killed while walking on the train tracks. he was upset.
i didn't want him to think i cared. and i don't think i actually did care. but he did.
and then i went from feeling transparent to invisible.
and i walked away.

No comments: