no good very bad day

i am having a bad day. it is only 10am. i wish i could start this day over. if riley would have made the bus....that would have helped significantly.

i am having those "failure" thoughts. i feel like a bad mom and pathetic human. it is not because i am self loathing or anything....it is because i failed at waking up early. i failed at getting riley ready for school. i failed to get her out the door on time. i failed to finish her birthday invitations last night so i had to rush and get them done this morning. i failed to see the minivan pull in front of me when i was waving goodbye to riley. i failed to act maturely to the bitch who drove the minivan into my car and blamed me because i might have been inching ever so slightly forward while waving.

i failed to handle all my emotions calmly and took it all out on my husband. it must have been his fault, right? really i was embarrassed and felt guilty for fucking up. am i 15 years old?

most days i feel great....beyond great about my life. today i feel like i should get a job so i can pay for my mistakes. i should use an alarm clock. i should be a better human.